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Coming Clean

No one else can know,
my secret safe with only me,
yet paranoid at my transparency,
everyone must recognize my vices
that I just can’t live without,
taking over my body, my mind.
I’m caught in a bubble, seen by all,
chasing highs.

Deadly game that is played to tragic end,
and the hooked take the risk, always
addiction is the master,
instructions to self-destruct,

and I make sure
you don’t know my hiding places,
paraphernalia out of sight,
sudden excuses to leave tip you off,
and I overlook subtle clues
that you pass, just obvious enough
to let me know that you know,
and it squeezes your heart,
while my heart is numb.

Madcap behavior I can’t ignore forever,
I confess my violation of your trust,
You respond, “It’s about time.”
Feeling foolish I ask, “You’ve been waiting
for me to be ready to come clean?”
You respond with tear falling, “No, I’ve been waiting
for you to be ready to get clean.”

I don’t know how to do this,
the insidious obsession feels impossible to beat,
and now seeking clean life,
I’ve never faced a more difficult fight.

Coming Clean No one else can know, my secret

Wraiths

We are the wraiths floating above Embracing the ghosts of our chemical love

We are ones, you’re not sure you see Hiding in shadows that you can’t perceive

We search out the alleys, the cut- throughs, the lanes

Industrial bridges who call out our names

Waiting for runners: “When did he leave?”

Bring us the air that only we breathe Broken glass vials and sharp metal pins Empty and deadly but smiling within Our obvious secrets betrayed in our

eyes Our scars and our tracks the meaning-

ful lies

So we’ll stand in your judgment be- cause we are the grey In your black and white world and the brightness of day

And these wraiths are my friends now I choose not to leave and walk on down dark tracks

Refusing to grieve

What are you burning

I think it’s your soul

You’re breathing in smoke

That won’t fill the hole

And when you breathe out

Your chemical pain

Your heart is still bleeding

Just numb from the pain

Emptiness comes

You know it so well

The hour of nothingness

Then breaking the spell

Dead ends and grey roads

You’ve been here before

Run whil you still can

Then run on some more

Escape this distraction

It doesn’t exist

You’ll get back the love

The love that you missed

And one day you’ll look back

Look back and see

You rose up from nothing

And you will be free.

Wraiths We are the wraiths floating above Embracing