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Hopelessness in Alcoholism
This isn’t going as I planned
It’s like I’m racing through quick sand
Too proud to call out for a hand
I wish that I could understand
Or perhaps if I could just rewind
That first drink I took to be kind
I’d likely not be so inclined
If I knew the madness I’d designed
My skin is crawling day and night
I scoff when up comes morning light
I steal, I hide, I scream and fight
Too many wrongs that I can’t right
How did this take such a hold of me?
I used to have a close family
And dreams and friends that I would see
But the bottle’s now priority
It’s sad just how relieved I feel
The bottle has such great appeal
And it’s not all that I conceal
Yet, I’d choose it over any meal
The smell of the LCBO
The shameful lengths that I will go
It will be my demise, I know
Committing suicide real slow
I don’t deserve a second chance
So don’t give me a second glance
Into addiction I advance
Such Unfortunate circumstance
Jan 30, 2024

Hopelessness in Alcoholism This isn’t going as I

Guess it’s been a dark ride here, Cause I’m not sure where I’ve been. I got lost in all the chaos When the bottle sucked me in. From there it was just a dream, An illusion of what was not, And when I was lost the most Is when the bottle hit its spot. Lookin’ out from the inside, I watch as the world goes by. It seems so all together, But I’m not and I wonder why. What’s the difference between us That some seem to find the way Past a bottle of empty promises And hope of a better day. Lord; help me get out of here, It’s a dark place and I’m alone. The only thing that’s real at all Are memories of love and home. This is nowhere I wanna be, But I’m here all the time, Thinkin’ back to those sweet days When feelin’ good meant feelin’ fine.

Guess it’s been a dark ride here,

Life Equation

San Francisco plus
plus romance breakup
equals cocktails.
Margaritas, gin.
New romances
schmucks plus
teaching high school
plus early thirties
bar hopping
independence equals
half a bottle of wine
most nights
maybe more.

Subtract San Francisco
add Tucson
age 38 now
minus Tucson
add Davis
now age 40
plus four years
of grad school
add Masters
add PhD
add student loans
add two years
on the job market
tally subtotal
daily drinking.

Subtract California
Minus beloved home
plus North Carolina
nosy neighbors
Southern culture
“bless your heart”
fakery and “where’s
your church homes?”
Add years
subtract dear friends
family west coast
add years gallons
and gallons of wine
floating up at times
on rising tides
other times keeping
something deeply

Subtotal tally 62.
Add two weeks
in January 2023
another new year
then begin subtracting
liquor. Add days
since last wine
add nights
without drink
same six
lay down
then add tomorrow
and tomorrow
and with any luck

Tally sum
of this equation:
Life minus
liquor equals
a deep night’s
sleep tonight
plus tomorrow
the potential
for peace.

Life Equation San Francisco plus twenty-something plus romance breakup equals cocktails. Margaritas,

Author: Denise G.

Even Here, In Rehab

Even here, in rehab
Where different devils
Manifest so freely, where pain
Walks openly, seeping from
The pores of the lost and the broken,
Even here, there is hope.

Hope comes with another cigarette break
“Smoke Break!” chiming through the halls
the sweetest of words. There is the smoke
of laughter, swirling around our demons.
We all burst out laughing as they dance.

Even here, in rehab
Where millionaires break bread with
The homeless.
There is joy. It comes with strawberry ice cream
A delicious victory for a raging alcoholic.

Even here, there is love
Streaming through the battered veins of a forlorn
drug addict.

The human spirit
Refusing to give up.
Even here, in rehab.

Author: Denise G. Even Here, In Rehab Even here,

Author: Justin A. Curmi

I: A Cheap Flight 

Floral containing sandwich-ziploc bag

of parched mind-altering substance; urging 

to be inhaled through an inferno drag      

while sitting on a ship — slowly merging  

two hemispheres into one entity.

A Maui Wowie soothing getaway

for a solid-liquid identity;

meanwhile, lungs produce a stormy airway. 

A pauper enriching vacation far  

from life of modern civilization 

on an illusionary lush sandbar         

as dulcet ukulele elation

strums harmoniously throughout the room,     

long-temporary stay in the back room.  

II: Raucous and Lively Fireworks of Om

Two mil bag zip with glaring Megatron

that transforms dry dance floors to a shower

more kaleidoscopic than dingy Tron;

a midsummer fantasy with power,

and a tangible orchestra of beats.

All waiting on an eager ingestion, 

which forces the palate to urge for sweets

without imposing and halting questions. 

There in the grove of sensual bodies

I heard Dionysus’ warning to man,

yet the bright raining light disembodies 

form from trivialities of madman       

who greedily plays courtship and money;

however, unworthy in Bliss Honey.           

III: A’ Picking We Go  

In the Artistic Muse Athenaeum

earthly categorized shelves line the walls

as thirsty eyes survey the museum

while merrymakers pass the narrow halls 

to embark on autumn explorations 

towards streams of Lethe the forgetful,

which circulates throughout every nation

causing nights of Bacchus the regretful. 

However, in grand vantablack blunders

the expansive void lulls confused spirits

of the: rainmakers, shamans, and hunters,

from harsh daily granulating physics     

of distant computerized industry     

who quickly minimizes dignity.  

IV: Wintery Fairyland

Godlike snowballs waiting in gleeful hands  

as noses jingle to the frosty touch

that will introduce them to godly lands

while waiting around sets of tight clutches   

during radiant sounds thumbing the door,  

and aphrodisiac thoughts twirl and whirl

throughout the new Victorian decor,

which invokes a lofty opulent pearl.

A succulent taste of Nietzsche’s Table,

Marx’s Owners of Creative Creation, 

Age of Enlightenment’s changing playbill, 

or the pinnacle of Pluto’s stations  

where avaricious false deities dwell

as well as numb vermilion noses swell.        

Author: Justin A. Curmi I: A Cheap Flight  Floral