Codependency

Author: Aimee Simmons

It’s happening. I’m losing me again. Quite honestly I don’t know if I was ever found. Found in a way that fills this hole, this pain.
You.
I’m waiting on you again.
It’s not your fault you have restrictions. I’m just having a hard time with the intermissions.
I’m anxious and tired; nauseated and can’t sleep.
What am I letting you do to me? Or more logically, what am I doing to myself?
I loved you.
I. Love. You.
And it’s killing me because you’re so close yet still so far.
We are both yet still so far.
Is this real? Or do I listen to my gut? Will I ever really be enough? Are these my insecurities or the ability to see your soul? Are you really narcissistic and manipulative? Is it time I let go?
I’m scared. The pain and anxiety I felt for so long; wondering, worrying, praying for you. No matter what you did to me, I forgave you. I did wrong too.
You get sober and you ask for me. Why?
I’m right back to feeling like I’m not pretty enough for you or good enough for you. The past haunts me. Is it true?
I’m right back to being scared this is all a game. I don’t wanna play.
I don’t know what’s real.
I can’t talk to you and I need you.
I’m so conflicted. I love you so much it’s like a sickness.
Please tell me what’s real.
I need to heal.
I love you.

Author: Aimee Simmons It’s happening. I’m losing me