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My Good Friend Tina

I love to watch the crystal melt from a solid to liquid gold
The smoke, it swirls and dances free; wish I could be so bold
She hits my lungs, then veins, then heart and quickly takes effect
My pupils large, as she takes charge of this high, willing subject
I press the gas, perhaps too fast and my thoughts pick up in pace
Worries and fears and emotionless tears and no concept of time or space
An hour goes by, I’m still in the same spot, clenched muscles now achy and sore
With spasms and ticks added into the mix, I reach over and smoke some more
I barely get by on this dopamine high yet remain unfocussed and dazed
My brain cells recede as I pick and I bleed, only mildly aware, but not phased
The addict in me chooses this misery over seeing my family or friends
She rules all my time and she takes my last dime and not once has e’er made amends

4/10/2023 (2 weeks before treatment for crystal meth addiction)

My Good Friend Tina I love to watch

Author: Haylee T.

Hey there, you remember me I’m lil ole crystal. Chrystal meth yep that’s me . You were told about me why didn’t you just stay the hell away. You chose to test me like a fool and now can’t get away. All that shit the last author told you was for real not some story made up but facts were they were real. Yeah It’s true I do destroy family’s that’s just the start I turn you away from everyone that loves you I make you hate them for nothing other than being worried and concerned about the demon you have became. I take the children I sure do in more than one way I let the state have them or I drive mothers away or worse i drive them to slay the young I’m Chrystal meth no remorse because they were just in my damn way. I slowly take every bit of human away right down to the soul don’t try to fight it’s useless I now hold you hostage in my grips you will stay for all eternity I make your mind a fearful dark place I have it always running in place. I’m taking everything from you one by one even two by two even right down to your youth and health your face all sunken in look like a bare skull and aging skin so fast your teeth are no more soon you will be nothing more than a skeleton with skin And in the worst of times I got you thinking of making it an end suicide is always on your mind a hand full of pills or a rope in a tree but I’ll instead keep you wishing your life was over. But I’m not threw with you yet bitch buckle up it gets worse from here. You stupid bitch you chose to do me over and over more here and there no longer can do a little shit You have to do a whole g blast it brings you to your knees and you can just manage to be okay with being here trac marks all over your body when you look in the mirror what do you see A meth monster or can you see an image deep down within yourself a glimpse if you will of who you was just a short 2 years ago from here and now. If you could have seen what nasty and miserable empty person or shell you are sitting here you’ve become so addicted lifeless and All because you didn’t hear the fucking warns of the satanic and controlling narcotic charms you stupid bitch now you fucked up You played with fire now your gonna burn lay back in your fucking grave it’s now your turn to be dragged to hell. I own your soul!! So don’t forget about me and what I cost because I cost more to. You than anything that can be bought your life revolves around putting me in your fucking arm.

By: Haylee Jo Taylor

Author: Haylee T. Hey there, you remember me

Author: Brittany M.

Overwhelmed, feeling exhausted.

Never ending tasks that never get started.

It’s  like one step forward – five steps back

Only focus then was finding which vein to track.

With the flash of blood and the push of the plunger

You filled me, like I was starving from hunger.

Steady with the pull, you made me euphoric.

Who would have known how many blessings you’d make me forfeit.

I won’t lie, you helped me get through a great deal of pain;

But keeping you around now, just won’t be the same.

I put you before my relationship, my family, my freedom, and my daughter.

I had a full academic scholarship, I should’ve been smarter.

By God’s grace I have a chance to redeem my life.

I’m going to get my shit together peacefully, without any of your bullshit or strife.

I’m looking forward to freedom in the rest of my days

But don’t get it twisted – I’ll always think of you, but in my past you will stay.

I forgive you for blinding my judgement, making me believe you were a treat

This go around, the only ups and downs I want to face is in between the sheets.

Author: Brittany M. Overwhelmed, feeling exhausted. Never ending tasks

Author: Melissa S.

I said I’d never find you,
Who knew that would be a lie
I knew what you could do,
So now I ask myself why?

I felt so alone,
You promised me comfort
In that first bowl
Who knew what I’d suffer

One was too many,
A thousand wasn’t enough
This new beginning
Was already to much

It hid behind a mask
I didn’t see it coming
In a trance by the music
It seemed to be strumming

This is my story
Who knew it’d be so sad
I only saw the glory
Blind to all the bad

I no longer felt so blue
This should have been a sign
Instead Everything I knew
Flew from my mind

One hit
Brought me comfort
One shot
Brought me to life

Nothing seemed wrong
Consequences I couldn’t see
All my pain was gone
I felt so free

There could never be a romance
Like yours and mine
The way that we dance
They call crazy in my mind

No love could compare
Your Always there
I can see the despair
I know it’s not fair

You damaged my life
Corrupted my soul
This is my fight
To repair on my own

I need to find me
So please let me go
Its time for me to truly be free
No longer for you to hold

Once you were my choice
Then you became my habit
Now I’ve found my voice
I’m recovering not an addict

Author: Melissa S. I said I’d never find

Author: Jessica McClintock

We survive in the dark shadows of night

Trying to run from our internal curse

Hiding our pain with the smoke that blocks out the light

Falling deeper in darkness feeling better for now while making it worse

Not realizing at first that this puddle is what will cause us to drown

Drawn in by the numbness that masks the hidden inner beast

Fools for thinking we could break free getting high with these chains still dragging us down

Seeking to regain control of our scattered minds and from the torturous emotions find temporary relief

From the glass to the puddle and from that puddle into smoke

This addiction takes over and in its haze we become lost and confused

Days turn to weeks then months into years losing time itself toke after toke

It becomes what seems to be the only thing left preventing this internal explosion and without it we will lose

This battle we have inside ourselves its not a fair fight but more of a catch 22

Inhaling the smoke to hold the grip on sanity yet still going crazy with or without the smoky haze

Becoming increasingly insane with growing self hatred and rage is the problem us addicts face day after day

Broken fragments of ourselves regardless of how much we do to ignore these internal scars

You cant outrun yourself. No matter where you go, there is where you still are

On this broken path of self destruction with nothing left but ourselves to lose

In the end it doesn’t matter we are all just broken people no matter which path in life we choose

Free to make the choice but no one is free of the consequences of those choices

And until Death brings the Devil to kick open Hell’s door

We remain lost in life and in our own minds continuing to fight An Addict’s War.

Author: Jessica McClintock We survive in the dark