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Author: Melissa S. I said I’d never find

Personal Journeys

Without Her

Author: Samuel W. Asselstine

I wait for her as the sun rises high,

She is not here,

I see her from afar,

She is gone as before,

Little notice and without a thought,

She takes her Love,

And shares herself with so many, yet

I miss her so dearly.

I wait for her as people eat breakfast,

She dines but no longer with me,

I see her in a car,

I see her in a store, and with

Little notice and without a thought,

She has left me for so many, yet still

I miss her so dearly.

She makes me Lie,

And she makes me steal,

She makes me beg,

She makes me kneel,

She makes me hurt,

She makes me cry, and with

Little notice and without a thought

She leaves me for so many,

Why would I miss her so dearly?

I think of her at night,

She doesn’t sleep,

She wakes me up, to check and see,

If she can have just one more spin with me,

There is no such thing as never,

Just not right now please,

I can find her when i want, and she’ll take me,

And everyone else in the way,

She’ll make me happy but not even for a day,

So, I decide when she’s with me,

Not the other way.

July 15, 2021

Poetry, Spiritual Recovery

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Author: Samuel W. Asselstine I wait for her

How to Coax a Rose from a Stone

How does she coax a rose from a stone?

Cold flat surface and non-dimensional plane.

Heavy burden of stone, lifeless, exhausted, no name.

Her days have moved forward with more days yet to come.

And like a stone she won’t let go of the things that she’s done.

And she sits contemplating the greatest of sin, treating each day as a means to an end.

Until one day a question came in the form of a prose.

Is there any way to coax a rose from a stone?

Is there any way to move a stone to rebirth?

No more counting on someone or something to show her self-worth?

So she sits at her table, a stone in her hand and reaches an agreement they both understand.

This life did not give her something already made, but provided the pathway to let her be brave.

So to answer the question that came from this prose;

How does one coax a rose from a stone?

The answer is simple, but the path isn’t straight.

It takes time, patience, bravery, and love to create.

Author: Joyce Brand

February 21, 2021

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How does she coax a rose from

Ground Time Will Be Brief, by DAS

Our Ground Time Will Be Brief

Pressure on figs makes them sweeter.

—Arabic saying

If only your date of death were slipped

under your door—then maybe you’d jettison

your adolescent, super-human fictions, not film

your roof-launch onto piled mattresses;

maybe

you wouldn’t walk across the arc

of the bridge’s left girder on a dare,

sneakers snugged between round buttons

of oversized bolt heads, river and train streaming

beneath, your pals waving from the bank

like frightened windmills;

maybe, just maybe,

you’d stop telling yourself there’s time

for another shot, another black out drunk

where tales of that other self mount,

achieving cult status—

time for cigarettes

coughed up in the cemetery—Dog,

you’ll get over it, choke it down;

maybe

you’d stop saying there’s time enough

to travel to that distant island

with its Recovery sign twinkling;

or time

to make love again and again to

a woman you don’t love.

If you held

death beside you every night

how would you live each day differently?

What carnival ride would you choose

as the hands near zero?

What words

would you commit to? Poems that attack

cancer cells, as if the push

of pen could clear fields of them

blooming in someone’s lungs?

Would you drive

across seven states to tell your ex-lover: I slept

with someone too, shouldn’t have blamed you?

Would you sign intake forms with your real name?

Takethe train to Hoboken

and hold her hand

again? Here, this is that notice,

a Coming Soon sign

wrapped around a book of matches.

The rustled paper seems to whisper: Go on,

burn down the house, set fire

to all that doesn’t matter.

Here, this envelope

and note can kindle it, watch the blooming

take the wood.

Author: DAS

February 21, 2021

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Our Ground Time Will Be Brief Pressure

Crystal rocks & different kinds of baggies
money stacked 5’s, 10’s, 20’s, & 50’s
phone goes off another person at my door
plenty of money doesnt matter I want more
police are running up surprise its a raid
I was careful but is always ends the same
county here I come and I don’t even care
hell I knew the risks & still bravely dared
opening my eyes realizing it was just a dream
no shaking or cold sweats for I’m still clean
I refused to live that life any longer
that’s the old me now I’m stronger.

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Old Me Author: April Cornwell Crystal rocks & different

Lifestyle

Lifestyle

Author: April Cornwell

Sometimes I still feel the pull
the want to be back in that lifestyle,
I have to fight it every single day
to give up will be a life in exile,
now i awake always wondering
just who in the hell was I?
exchanging rocks for dollar bills
knowing at any second I could die,
that door to destruction has closed
I’ve opened another even better door,
now I’m sober life is way different
i refuse to live that way anymore,
I know I can be a better person
that lifestyle isn’t worth a damn,
even though at times it was fun
I know now this is who I am.

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Lifestyle Author: April Cornwell Sometimes I still feel the

And So They Let Her

And So They Let Her…

Author: Beth Poulin

She was made by great people, She came from great stock,

At the very beginning, darkness ticked not the clock.

She was born into privilege, She was born into light,
She was rambunctious in daytime, She was restful by night.

She was graced with some talent, She was blessed with some brain,
That precision, that pedestal, was hers to craft and to gain.

She smiled in the spotlight, She put trophies on the shelf,
She developed the image, but She had no sense of self.

She kept checking the boxes, kept seizing the day,
But the darkness was growing, She was not close to ok.

She took Their support, She fed off Their praise,
She made it look normal, and it seemed like a phase.

She had talent with lying, She could put on the show,
They had NO way to see it, They had NO way to know…

…And So They Let Her Rise

Her life become hollow, perfection too much,
The demons, the devils, the defects and such.

She preferred to be wrecked, to be broken, enslaved,

She had no interest in help, no desire to be saved.

She lied and She cheated and injured and stole,

Cared not for Her pieces, Her whole or Her soul.

She burned all her bridges and wore out Her welcome,

She drank and She starved with no care for the outcome.

They paid and They prayed, and They pleaded and cried,

But in heart and in mind They knew lightness had died.

They used all Their resource, They TRIED and They TRIED,

But They lost Her each minute She deceived and denied.

She spit in Their faces, explained away all Their fears,

She rubbished Their love and She laughed at Their tears…

…And So They Let Her Fall

She dipped toes in the water, to meetings She went,

She admitted She needed the messages GOD sent.

She listened to friends and saw fellows succeed,

She writhed and She thrashed to make peace with the need.

She tried to be ready, She opened one ear,

She stumbled, She mumbled, still best friends with fear.

She felt the disorder and dissected the pains,
She wanted back on the tracks, not to chase the wrong trains.

She tried one near-death shot, but that shot didn’t take,

She then knew to rebuild Oh Sweet God She must break.

The bottom She found and the bottom She sought,

Found that peace couldn’t be drank, or be purged or be bought.

She finally said quietly, could barely hold up Her head,

“I think I need HELP”, from Her hospital bed….

…And So They Let Her Grow

Doctors and Therapists and Counselors, Oh My,

She went and She vented with clear sparkle in eye.

She grew brave with the fight, the release of confession,

Knew corrected living was now her divined new profession.

She paid up and hushed up and stood up and found,
She would find Her full aura if She stood Her full ground.

She processed, accepted and wounds She did sew,
Fell into the balance and learned how to say no.

She re-entered the real word, pledged service and shared,

Showed family and friends and HERSELF that She cared.

She captured and raptured the saving power of love,

When it comes from within and around and ABOVE.

She kicked and She treaded, head stayed high above water,

Through the sunlight of the spirit, They again saw Their Daughter…

…And So They Let Her Go

Personal Journeys, Poetry, Spiritual Recovery, Treatment Programs

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And So They Let Her… Author: Beth Poulin She

You deserve more.

Author: Logan

they teach you that drugs are bad

but they don’t teach you how to deal with the pain when you’re sad

nobody warned me it could get this bad

i swear i continue to lose everything i’ve ever had

but what do you do when you don’t give a fuuck

when your minds in a rut

always blame things on bad luck

and how the fuck is my mind so sick

life threw me lessons but it never would click

I thought I figured it out, finally found my cure

but all these pills do is put my mind in a blur

the devil asked me to dance so I said sure

it’s gotta be better than the feelings I endure

i swear it was working I couldn’t feel a thing

didn’t realize all the destruction that it could bring

I hurt people around me i hurt the ones that care

but then without them life became a fucking nightmare

I had had enough so I did something that was rare

I said i’m done doing drugs i swear

this pain is nothing i can bare

then the truth was revealed

everything became crystal clear

the pain will follow no matter what it’s always near

do i give up or persevere?

nothing really mattered the drugs were never enough

and everyone swears that i am so tough

little do they know i’ve been drowning cause life is rough

nothing seemed to stop me even being in handcuffs

i gave up everything, every dream

i was living on the streets without a fucking thing

as long as i had these substances to get me through the night

i swear my eyes used to shine so fucking bright

but now i struggle everyday to even find a light

tryna find something inside me to that I can ignite

but all i seemed to find was an evil gunfight

i’ve been at war with myself for as long as I know

no wonder why it feels impossible to ever let go

I been hurting bad and my eyes always show

eventually I realized the drugs had complete control

kinda like the government and the secrets that they hold

I started to think would i ever feel whole

and can I even reach a goal

if only I knew how it would unfold

i found a girl and I swear I had found gold

her personality shined so bright she was beautifully bold

so tell me how someone can turn so goddamn cold

I loved her so hard I never thought I could let go

my heart was broken but it fell apart a long time ago

I wish she knew my feelings but I always struggled to show

maybe if I tried harder she would still be by my side

but deep down i know she’ll forever be my ride or die

she really is the only one that can make me cry

but I still never want to fucking say goodbye

I’d give up anything even getting high

I mean that with all I have I can’t even lie

I don’t need anything else she does more than satisfy

when i’m with her I feel like I could fly

you really only meet someone like this once in a lifetime

I fell in love right away she needed to be mine

everydays a good day even if we out committing crimes

damn you should see this girl she’s a fucking dime

with her there’s not a mountain i couldn’t clime

when i’m with her i’m always in my prime

the day she left me destroyed me inside

I couldn’t get her off my mind as long as i tried

I needed something strong to make me numb

I would’ve pulled the trigger if I had a gun

what’s a life without my love I swore she was the one

when she was mine I swear I had won, like I hit a home run, if anyone were to hurt her i’d pull up w a shotgun

It hurt so bad I needed something strong

I was so down couldn’t even hit the bong

cause when I did she stayed on my mind for so goddamn long

then one day someone offered me a remedy

they said I promise you I found the perfect recipe

it’ll heal you mentally

way faster than therapy

so do you want the key?

please yes give me anything

I don’t care what it may bring

help me breathe

then they handed me something that would never leave

growing up we learned to stay away from any hard drug

but they must not know the feeling when it goes straight to your blood

that type of rush can’t be beat by any fucking hug

the needle is evil in the sweetest kind of way

the deeply rooted pain quickly began to slip away

this feeling of bliss i need it to stay

yes i had finally found the strongest getaway

even though i kept dying every other day

you’d think that would be enough for me to make a change

but nah I gave the dope man my life in exchange

I turned into a zombie from this game

I would find anything to blame

I didn’t even recognize the person I became

I knew it was lame and I was living in shame

and all the fiends seemed to feel the same

I could tell we were all tryna escape the fucking pain

the amount of lives i’ve had to save is truly goddamn sad

nobody does heroin unless things are really fucking bad

you know your head ain’t right

when you can’t sleep at night

never have an appetite

life doesn’t matter n i’m losing the fight

i don’t give a fuck if I make it through the night

life turns darker and I struggle to ignite

really losing all the light

everybody now notices my eyes don’t shine so bright

if your dancing with the devil just know he will bite

living this lifestyle your guaranteed to lose the fight

addiction is a battle nothing happens overnight

but if you put the work in you can take back your life

cause if you keep it up you’ll soon see the afterlife

don’t you want to feel alive? right now your just living to fucking survive

I promise you can make it through and you’re gonna thrive

don’t let your friends and family have to say goodbye

the pain you put them through is never worth the high

addicts know addicts n we always justify

but take my advice all of your problems will just multiply

and soon enough nothing will satisfy

i’ve lived my whole life using drugs to get by

you’ll have dual personalities like a gemini

now i want you to look me in the eye

i know your not happy and you can’t deny

listen to my words cause i only speak the truth

I wish I could turn the time back to my youth

I promise you there are better ways to soothe

because right now you don’t even know you

still feel so blue from what you’ve been through

stop destroying yourself if only you could see my point of view

just make sure your chillin with the right crew

you’ve been through hell there’s nothing you can’t do

n the real ones will always help you through

forgive yourself you’re only human too

pain is inevitable there’s nothing you can do

but you can grow from it or it’ll control you

you don’t need to fight this battle alone

i know you always try to do it all on your own

I promise it’s easier here try some methadone

don’t live up to expectations, set up your own milestones

i know it’s hard but it’s okay to ask for help

stop the torture nobody can do it themselves

let people make it easier for you

love and support always helps you make it through

there’s no timeline recovery’s not a straight line

and relapses happen don’t let it be a reason to decline

you still have people rooting for you on the sideline

recovery is a process it’s hard and it hurts

but i know it’s fucking worth it if it gets you out the dirt

no matter where you go your addiction will always lurk

you’ll always be an addict and it’s constant fucking work

but don’t let it define you cause you have so much worth

I hope you fall in love with being alive

you’ve struggled a lot it’s been a long drive

you deserve happiness and some peace of mind

so give yourself a chance and leave that shit behind

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Author: Logan they teach you that drugs are

Life of an Addict

I tell you what is easiest when deep down it’s really not.

I find it much easier to say that they don’t have a cure for what I got.

I tell you what is easy for me that it’s all just a bad habit, that it is more difficult to explain it to those who don’t actually have it.

That my actions are no longer my own, living in the body of an addict. I’ve been lying to you all but I don’t know how when I’m quite literally bad at it.

But the lies that I tell they all come from the heart, I find the truth is more difficult to say even when it was this that is the hardest part.

If I were to tell the truth for once I wouldn’t even know where I should start.

I’m at a loss of words I can barely form my own thoughts, but in my silence I’m dying to tell someone how I have been feeling completely lost.

I have no idea where to even begin, how could I muster the courage to where I just talk, you just shut up and listen.

I want to be the one that tells you, I need you to hear it from myself, not hear it from the whispers of my enemies.

This is the only way I could ask for help and expose all my negative energies.

Who is this person I wake up as every morning and shed tears for when I fall asleep?

How does she know all the right things to say and yet somehow all the wrong secrets to keep?

This isn’t fun anymore, but it’s a ride I cannot seem to get off. I’m neither here nor there and I can’t remember exactly when I fell off.

But I’m trying … please believe me when I say, that I will find my way back to being normal even though I’m normally not okay.

I just want someone to love me, know me enough to know when I lie. I think what I really want is for someone to really miss me when I die…..

Author: Sarah

July 26, 2020

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I tell you what is easiest when

Prisoner, Free At Last!

Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this beautiful poem.

Shame, guilt, remorse,

Could I possibly feel any worse?

Anger, resentment, pain,

Coursing through my veins.

Prisoner of disease,

Crawling on my knees.

Please help me, I mumble,

In the dark I do stumble.

Looking for the light,

So far out of sight.

Feeding my addiction at all cost,

All hope is lost.

Spiritually bankrupt,

Feeling completely stuck.

Unable to hide

Behind my mountain of false pride.

Pain is so great,

I begin to suffocate.

Fear mounting so high,

I think I might die.

Then a hand reaches out,

To me, one so full of doubt.

Saying “why don’t you try our way?”

Just for today.

Shaken, hopeless, and beaten,

I attended the meeting.

Inside I found warmth and laughter,

A sense of being together.

One day, one step at a time,

Out of the pit I began to climb.

Trembling along the way,

Hoping for a new day.

Then the miracle happened,

The chains were broken.

Freedom and happiness at last,

No longer prisoner of the past.

Spiritual connection made,

No reason to be afraid.

The amazing gift of sobriety,

So freely given to me.

For this I will forever be,

A grateful addict in recovery.

For all who still suffer,

Just know you can recover!

March 8, 2020