Defying the laws of driving probability.
Donnie and me cruise down to San Fransisco.
I’m twenty two.
We have a little too much of this and too much of that.
Actually way too much.
Donnie’s out cold.
I throw him in the back seat.
Feels like I can fly a helicopter when I turn the key.
Three hour flight.
ACDC till the speakers explode.
Sixty two now.
I’m still a pilot.
Defying the laws of driving probability. Donnie and
One delirium tremens I thought I was in a Fellini movie
Carnivale in Brasilia by myself.
No one told me it was in Rio.
The odd shapes of the buildings once promised the future.
The midnight deserted streets echoed the haunting of my party horn.
I lead my own parade marching in front of all the clowns of my past.
One delirium tremens I thought I was
Bottomless vessels no matter how much
we poured down.
Ten years old.
Nothing we couldn’t do.
Walk on quicksand
and never sink.
Push it to the brink.
Bullet to the heart and
never bleed away.
Run the race of madness each and every day.
Hanging out with our new friends
Jack Jim and Brandy girl.
Bottomless vessels no matter how much
we poured down.
Late Friday nights fell on our faces but never bruise.
Saturday morning sports stars
that never seemed to lose.
Sixty years now.
Can’t get off the floor.
Eviction notice hanging on my door.
The cat steps on me and complains it’s four in the afternoon.
He’s still waiting for breakfast.
Bottomless vessels no matter how much we poured
No you go first it’s your birthday.
Hurrying to catch the bus.
I told her I had a surprise for her when I get there.
Finished paying for a love bracelet at the pawn shop.
It was her birthday and she didn’t think I knew.
Love holds me in its arms and keeps me from falling when
the bus hits the brakes without warning.
She cries when she puts it on.
She cooks some up and gives me the pipe.
No you go first it’s your birthday.
She slumps over and turns dark blue.
No pulse.
Call for help on her phone.
Wipe my prints off.
Hope no one saw me when I left.
Took the bracelet and got my money back.
No you go first it’s your birthday. Hurrying
They sit in circles every morning and talk.
Over-medicated minds that desperately
need to love themselves.
Good morning. How was everyone’s weekend?
I need to see my case manager right away.
I really don’t belong here.
How come we can’t choose which movie we go to on Saturdays?
I want to get a cup of coffee.
I try to drink at least fifteen cups a day to stay awake.
It’s decaf but stale decaf turns into regular…right?
My dad calls me a loser and says there is no hope for me.
My mom never says anything.
My parents never come to visit
and they live ten minutes from here.
My mom comes every week and
drives away crying.
When my parents visit they just buy me stuff.
Next time I’m gonna burn it all in front of them.
My grandmother comes to visit me.
She is 92.
The last time I lived with her I drank bourbon
and swallowed her whole bottle of sleeping pills.
My dad is awesome.
He taught me how to shoot up.
I call my parents every weekend
and tell them I am
getting better because that’s what
they want to hear.
I’m graduating. Today is my last day!
They sit in circles every morning and
Whole lotta trouble.
Brushed her teeth with tequila.
Spit like a baseball pitcher.
Chain smoked non filters.
Legendary stripper at her club.
Impossibly beautiful.
Half Cherokee. Half Swedish.
Whole lotta trouble.
Told me she was eighteen.
Didn’t care if she wasn’t.
Food shopped at the Seven Eleven
across the street.
Five in the afternoon breakfast.
Chili dogs and cold beer.
Meth and champagne after breakfast.
Sex as soon as I got home from work.
One eye ‘Henry the Cat’ always at her side.
Dressed him up with a pirate patch.
Liked to read the National Enquirer aloud to me and Henry.
Had this strange look in her eyes when we took a shower together.
One morning I packed a few things and ran for my life.
Whole lotta trouble. Brushed her teeth with tequila. Spit
They relentlessly laugh and taunt inside my head.
always haunted
by the endless
parade
of screaming
voices
colors
shapes
pictures
as they relentlessly
taunt
and laugh
inside
my head.
Uninvited.
never a moment’s rest
praying
for silence
slowly
drowning
in my frantic ocean
of nonstop nightmare
and
never sleep.
tried to make them
go away
using
pills
potions
and powders
each night before
the next morning already
banging on my door.
Was ready to be pulled
under the tide.
that’s when
You rescued me
and came to my side.
filling me with
Hope
Faith and
Grace.
Uninvited.
They relentlessly laugh and taunt inside my
Her dearest companion.
She walks out the gate.
Feels alone even though
a guardian angel holds her hand.
Frightened from all the
people and cars.
She forces her feet to move
even though her soul is frozen.
The therapist often assured her
she could do this.
People pass by on the sidewalk
heading for their destinations.
She needs to find her compass too.
Puts her knapsack down and
takes out the picture.
Her dearest companion.
A blue eyed Siamese.
The road is no place for a cat.
Safe with a trusted friend.
Carefully returns the photo to its place.
She knows he’s asleep right now in
satin sheets and comfort.
Her dearest companion. She walks out the gate. Feels
A better way of life awaits us all.
Many of us were cast aside innocents.
Eventually we put trust in false elixirs
that lied to us.
When we learned to see the invisible and stopped
running away we arrived.
We heard the loving whispers from those already on shore
welcoming us to our new home.
A better way of life awaits us
Getting help starts with helping ourselves.
Burning sand and sun.
Drinking liquid fire.
Falling and tripping in snow.
Buried alive under the frozen white.
A voice whispers hold my arms up
and don’t let them down.
Pulled out with a rope.
There is no one on the other end.
Only me.
Getting help starts with helping ourselves. Burning sand
