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Poetry, Recovery, Recovery, Uncategorized

Approaching 7 months of sobriety.

By the Grace of God.

This song makes me think of my addictions – and how they impacted my friends and family.

It’s entitled, “The Last Lost Continent” by La Dispute.

When I hear its lyrics, I think of my family members as they were trying to break me from the bonds of addiction.

Sometimes I think of myself as a sober person – looking to help my sponsees through the 12 steps.

At the end of the day though, God is in charge.

Only my Higher Power can save me and my sponsees.

I let Him fight my battles for me.

For He can destroy my demons as easily as the narrator in this song destroys his.

We are not the heroes in our recovery stories. Our Higher Power is.

We are the rescued. Saved from our addiction. Survivors of the same shipwreck.

Gaining power by the day.

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Approaching 7 months of sobriety. By the Grace

Poetry, Spiritual Recovery, Treatment Programs

You never would’ve believed it!
Just yesterday I was getting high.
Now I’m in this church dressed in white.
Flowers everywhere…it’s blowing my mind.
Funny how things can change in one night.
I used to be the Fentanyl Queen,
the pill chaser….a heroin fiend.
I admit my addiction had me down.
But I knew eventually , I’d come around.
Who would’ve believed it?
Looks like I’m about to tie the knot.
I swear last night was my last damn shot.
I mean it this time. I’m staying clean.
Just goes to show…never lose your dreams.
Me and my man are finally saying “I do.”
After marriage who knows? I may go back to school.
My family and friends came just to see me.
It’s all so surreal.  There isn’t one empty seat!
Nobody would believe it!
I’m out of pills and I don’t care.
I feel a change…like I’m walking on air.
My dad is crying.  I guess he’s afraid.
He doesn’t want to give his little girl away.
I have to go see him.  Why does he keep looking down?
I hope my man doesn’t see my wedding gown.
But halfway there my body goes numb.
I’m struck with guilt.  What have I done?
As I get closer I’m pained at the sight,
of my dad devastated, as he tells me goodbye.
Can you believe this?
My Cold feet and heart freeze my path.
I look down and see what he was looking at.
Then I realize it’s not my wedding day.
My family and friends aren’t here to celebrate.
It seems I’m here as my own guest,
to watch them lay me down to rest.
Just yesterday I was getting high.
Now I’m in this church dressed in white….
I never would’ve believed it.

 

Author: Tamara

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You never would’ve believed it! Just yesterday I

Poetry

I tell you what is  easiest when deep down it’s really not.

I find it much easier to say that they don’t have a cure for what I got.

I tell you what is easy for me that it’s all just a bad habit, that it is more difficult to explain it to those who don’t actually have it.

That my actions are no longer my own, living in the body of an addict. I’ve been lying to you all but I don’t know how when I’m quite literally bad at it.

But the lies that I tell they all come from the heart, I find the truth is more difficult to say even when it was this that is the hardest part.

If I were to tell the truth for once I wouldn’t even know where I should start.

I’m at a loss of words I can barely form my own thoughts, but in my silence I’m dying to tell someone how I have been feeling completely lost.

I have no idea where to even begin, how could I muster the courage to where I just talk, you just shut up and listen.

I want to be the one that tells you, I need you to hear it from myself, not hear it from the whispers of my enemies.

This is the only way I could ask for help and expose all my negative energies.

Who is this person I wake up as every morning and shed tears for when I fall asleep?

How does she know all the right things to say and yet somehow all the wrong secrets to keep?

This isn’t fun anymore, but it’s a ride I cannot seem to get off. I’m neither here nor there and I can’t remember exactly when I fell off.

But I’m trying … please believe me when I say, that I will find my way back to being normal even though I’m normally not okay.

I just want someone to love me, know me enough to know when I lie. I think what I really want is for someone to really miss me when I die…..

Author: Sarah

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I tell you what is  easiest when