I tell you what is easiest when deep down it’s really not.
I find it much easier to say that they don’t have a cure for what I got.
I tell you what is easy for me that it’s all just a bad habit, that it is more difficult to explain it to those who don’t actually have it.
That my actions are no longer my own, living in the body of an addict. I’ve been lying to you all but I don’t know how when I’m quite literally bad at it.
But the lies that I tell they all come from the heart, I find the truth is more difficult to say even when it was this that is the hardest part.
If I were to tell the truth for once I wouldn’t even know where I should start.
I’m at a loss of words I can barely form my own thoughts, but in my silence I’m dying to tell someone how I have been feeling completely lost.
I have no idea where to even begin, how could I muster the courage to where I just talk, you just shut up and listen.
I want to be the one that tells you, I need you to hear it from myself, not hear it from the whispers of my enemies.
This is the only way I could ask for help and expose all my negative energies.
Who is this person I wake up as every morning and shed tears for when I fall asleep?
How does she know all the right things to say and yet somehow all the wrong secrets to keep?
This isn’t fun anymore, but it’s a ride I cannot seem to get off. I’m neither here nor there and I can’t remember exactly when I fell off.
But I’m trying … please believe me when I say, that I will find my way back to being normal even though I’m normally not okay.
I just want someone to love me, know me enough to know when I lie. I think what I really want is for someone to really miss me when I die…..