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Poetry

They come into the rooms.
Moving through the cigarette haze.
Dropped ash and littered ground.

That first step inside is the hardest.
Palms are clasped with knowing eyes.
Then maybe a nod, hug, fist bump.

The rooms are always old.
Odor of water-stained ceiling tiles.
Walls of worn painter’s beige.

They hold cups with trembling hands.
Someone pours liquid speed.
The taste of cheap stale coffee.

Walk past a clock.
Glance at the sign of steps.
Hung high so all can see.

Find a creaky chair, near the exit.
Phones turned off and purses tucked away.
A throat is cleared.

Scared of the microphone on the table.
They shudder with fear.
Silence is their false armor.

Hoping someone else will read.
Maybe someday they will share.
A piece of themselves.

They are cheats, deceivers, selfish.
They are everyone and nobody.
By creed, they have no name.

They come into the rooms.
For help, for redemption, for time, for answers.
For life.

They come into the rooms.

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They come into the rooms. Moving through the

Poetry

ODE TO JUNK

“Come to the shooting gallery –
Today poison is mellow –
Get your stuff, get your stuff!”
And she boots me till I Glow
Insatiable, I can’t get enough
Like a vampire needing blood
I then try some angel dust
Receiving my orgasmic jolt and
A slave to cosmic contraband
In love with chemical lust
Speedballing fast and flying high
Through the clouds to kiss the sky
Thanks to the dealer in this grotshop
On whom I so rely
And I never miss a drop
Not much later I pop some acid
Gliding away on a terrific trip
Into space and out of sight
Captain Cosmos and I’m only a kid
But free-er than you at this height
And with my free-base extraction kit
A neophyte inhaling snow
Exploring virgin territory
Coke, I sure am crying for it
And my mind it sure does blow
And with pupils like pin-points
I put away my clotted needle
Yes I’m booted and bullet-proof
And enjoying two juicy joints
And floating slowly through the roof
I’ll cop again in three hours
Ketamine and Nitazenes
Infused through core pills
Fentanyl, Vicadin
And OxyContin
Close all window-sills
Hip hallucinations a hit away
Living only for that score
When I’ll again receive party powers
But I’m needing more and more
Now fleshing out Krokodil
Synthetically morphing my escape
Who knows what life it kills
During a green and scaly foray
Hope this dope don’t croak my escape
As I face my foul decay
Meet my friend, a fixer chick
As we hustle Johns on the side
Because we need the extra loot
For enough to get the same kick
When we score again and shoot
We do Johns at Toilet Swallow
It’s a pity about my herpes
But we crave cash for a gram
Especially now, I’m feeling so low
And for a fix I give a damn
Sweating while coughing black phlegm and blood
The withdrawal pangs of cold turkey
With a slight case of jaundice
In the mirror my alien face is crud
But you get used to it with practice
One more John and I’ll have the cash
To score a little ‘ice’ cream
And maybe a bit of hash
Some ego food for this funky dude
My desire so extremely lewd
Again I withdraw my rusted syringe
A certifiable narcissist on heat
Yes baby, this is a spacial binge
As I receive that supercharged flash
And loving my effigy, burning to ash
Smugglers, lookouts, baggers, and pushers
Heroin, snow, crystal-meth and cappis
Bongs, burners, needles and spoons
Fixers, snorters, draggers and poppers
And we all keep singing their tunes
They say it’s so diabolic
That I should be a coke-a-holic
But how the hell would they know
About ego-rushes so euphoric
If they’ll never have a go?
So it’s a dirty and dangerous trade
But the bribed cops wouldn’t dare raid
We coke-heads thrive on it
Stuff you, it’s a junkie’s element
So don’t bug me you mothers – relent!
Losing my nasal membrane
A hole in the septum of my nose
As I visit the full-time snow-brokers
For another relief from pain
Yeah, I sure do need those jokers
Nearly there, thanks to quite a good day
Doing Johns, must’ve turned twenty tricks
And all of them were condoned
Now heaps of death with which to pay
For lots of smack to get me stoned
Aspirins and cola gives you quite a buzz
Or so they used to say
Went to the loo and pee’d
And soon afterwards O.D.’d
Forgetting goodbyes – futile fatal seed.

DjMayhew

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ODE TO JUNK "Come to the shooting gallery

Poetry

Secrets kept and lies told
Fueling this hunger
Not yet ready to fold
You don’t know me
I’m just a memory
Of someone sane
Someone free
Stopped ignoring the tricks
I played before your eyes
You’re intent to uncover
What shit your mind buys
The old facade fading away
Left naked and vulnerable
You can see the decay
I fight it still
There’s more destruction within
I’m not a liar
But an addict with withering skin

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Secrets kept and lies told Fueling this hunger Not

Poetry

Addiction you stole from me

You hid so well from me
Through kids eyes I couldn’t see
But I felt the depth of something heavy
Unsure what the case might be,
What causes my mum to struggle much more than normally
Addiction you meant nothing to me!

Addiction you stole from me
My innocent out look went too early
The safety of our family
You took her oh so slowly
You took my sisters childhood brutally
Addiction you meant nothing to me

Addiction you stole from me
Childhood innocence ripped away
Father and mother left that day
Respect for adults lost in every way
Finally addiction you meant everything to me, if only we seen you creep in that day, too late, our souls were taken away
You seen her weakness, you had your prey
You took our person, left us a shell! And left all of us to go through hell

Addiction you gave to me
a life sentence to carry, The hurt, the pain, that path carrying all that trauma and all them chains watching your loved one battle over and over again
But yet you learn you can’t help, just hope they are strong enuf to take the reigns and try and out run all their pain
I hope no one ever has to say addiction you took my loved one away!

Addiction has no preference or defining factors
Of who to consume and leave in tatters
No one should judge, Laugh or point savagely
Because you’re a small minority to be lucky enough where addiction isn’t invaded any part of your family!!
So my message to all and one I will leave happily
If you want to make a massive change and help humanity
All you have to do is go home and pour love into your family!
So that no addictions will creep in through a crack in a damaged souls armoury!
So even when life side swipes unexpectedly  the love you poured in over the years might just be enough to hold back that soul destroying entity!
And  no matter the love sometimes a soul been broken and can’t be repaired..

Addiction then strips there victim bare,
Takes their dignity, self respect and morals
But yet doesn’t stop there
slowly and surely will leave you with nothing and no one, still it isn’t done
Now I have finished my life sentences with my mum,
Addiction please leave me and my loved alone
to mend a life time of broken hearts,
You got what you wanted a family in parts
A broken lost soul who gave everything away
To keep contact with you in any way

It’s here addiction won’t let you go until you have given all of your body and all of your  soul.
That’s why we had to bury our mummy you wouldn’t let go until she was gone from us completely
Good bye addiction I can finally say
The carnage the hurt the rage I now face
Is all I have left where a mother should be placed

They say addiction takes hold like being possessed
A hard fight to fight and a fight lost by the best of the best
It’s grip so strong you can’t catch your breath!
But I see you different
I value you less
I am much less impressed
All I see is a blood sucking leech he
Who feeds on all society’s most vulnerable and lost

So I don’t think your as scary as the poison you inject in your victims heads
I think your a coward that can only feed on a soul who is already half dead, with no fight in their soul, it’s a hurtful road ahead
For a weak soul will be a broken seed
It’s in them broken cracks
The virus seps
Bit by bit
Day by day it steals away
The strength in you, there’s no running away!

I see no strength in you
The strong don’t pray on the vulnerable and weak.
The weakest, injured souls is who you seek
A vulture, a rat, feeding on what’s left of the poor souls that where once fully intact!

God love the next poor family that comes across you
not knowing
the damage and the trauma that surrounds you

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Addiction you stole from me You hid so

Personal Journeys, Poetry

Embetween memories and thoughts of defeati rack lines on this mirror stuck in DisbeliefWhat have i becomei marvel rathen than ponder on who i am today a toxic routine planted roots every morning i toss a seed another takes its place its hard to live as empty as i feel today i know the sun sets differently when i pray i atill live in shame its obvious i cant snort this pain away tommorrow is another day when i wake ill pray for a sober breath instead of another action of disgust

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Embetween memories and thoughts of defeati rack

Poetry, Treatment Programs

What is a dad? Is it someone who wipes away your tears when you are sad? Is it someone’s hand to hold when you are glad? What if neither of these are true but you still love the man that made you. Sometimes I want to scream and tell you I hate you, then I look in your eyes and it reminds me I still love you. It’s not your fault I keep telling myself over again but nothing can make you stop not even our pain. If you can’t not knew what you’ve put us through, maybe that would make you find the real you. You were a loving man with family who care, grandkids a plenty who wound love you to be there. We love you dad I wish you knew and we could always be the family we wanted to be true.

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What is a dad? Is it someone

Personal Journeys, Poetry, Spiritual Recovery

I’ve experienced and received my answer
I can’t have the poison in my body any longer.
It tasted sweet at first
but turned my insides black with ash,
aggressive fear of repeating the past.

Internal screams flooded my chest with no way out.
Silent tears and toxins drowned my heart.
The taste erased the pride within my growth.

Sorrow and self punishment filled the air the next morning,
nearly impossible to stop the sickness from spreading

I’m reminded of the saying, Once bitten, twice shy.
I decide right then I’ll never be bitten again
I received my answer and let it go for good.

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I’ve experienced and received my answer I can’t

Poetry

Have you seen a girl named Tina?
Thin and pale, welts on her face;
Blood flowing through her crystallized,
Black hole pupils fill up space.

Have you seen a girl named Tina?
Can’t go five hours without the pipe,
Shivers like it’s the dead of night,
Sweat dripping she forgets to wipe.

Have you seen a girl named Tina?
Chasing a high she’ll never reach,
Climbing a mountain only to find
The peak was far, far behind.

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Have you seen a girl named Tina? Thin

Poetry

a simple ritual
– for mary

A simple ritual that makes
it go away.
its just a simple ritual.
i take the thought
and put it between
two slices of rye bread
i add swiss cheese
and yellow mustard
with the thought

i see the crazy thing
poking through
the holes in the cheese
then i sat at the
calm kitchen table
with the thought in my hands,
and i eat it.

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a simple ritual - for mary A simple ritual

Poetry

MY JOURNEY THROUGH ADDICTION
In my addiction, I was a liar.
My only goal then was how to get higher.
Numbing out thoughts and ‘passing the buck,’
Beaten and bruised, and clear out of luck.
Hurting all those who once loved me most
And borrowing cash from coast to coast.
While abandoning morals and losing all pride,
Shame and regret’s all I felt deep inside.
My job and my husband just got in the way,
‘Cause both had stopped giving me money to play.
Got arrested, molested, then lived at the Six.
(Went to such shameful lengths to get my next fix).
Unable to sleep, just stayed on my feet,
Stealing and wheeling and dealing *repeat.*
Excuses, abuses, I just didn’t care.
Self-loathing and cutting sure got me nowhere.
Now a shell of the outgoing girl I once was
(Well, I threw her away for a ten-minute buzz).
No, family, no friends, no money for drugs,
Just sketchy motels and hanging with thugs.
No motivation, no pride, no reprieve.
“I’m better off dead!” I came to believe.
Shattered and broken, I dropped to my knees,
Looked upwards and cried, “Dear Lord, help me please!
I’m done, I give in. I just tired and spent!”
And before I realized it, I began to repent.
“Please show me the way, please give me a sign!”
I waited and wondered if there was still time.
I then heard some voices so I turned and found
About five or six people just standing around.
Their faces looked bright, and they spoke with such ease
Like my friends and I did, before this disease.
Filtering inside the church one-by-one,
I wanted so badly to join in their fun.
Where were they going? To Church? Now? Mid-week?
Still, they seemed to have all the things that I seek.
Next, what I saw, just left me mind-blown…
The church-window sign read “You’re no longer alone.”
I lost it, I bawled, for my sign … was a sign!
And from that moment on, I just knew I’d be fine.
I found myself creeping towards the church door
(Two A’s side by side assured me once more).
“Hey there, I’m Steve, take a load off, come in!”
(I doubt they’d be smiling if they’d knew where I’d been,
And all the people I’ve hurt, all the bad things I’ve done,
And why, just to escape this thing I’d become?)
So, o’er the next hour they spoke of their past.
Their story was mine….was I home at long last?
They shared from the Big Book and explained the twelve steps.
For sobriety, was I willing to go to such depths?
YES! It was worth anything I had in me to give.
Tired of just getting by, I now wanted to live!
So I took a deep breath, no longer melancholic
I said “Hi my name is Tracy. I’m an addict and alcoholic”
July 17, 2023

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MY JOURNEY THROUGH ADDICTION In my addiction, I