Author: Adrian P.
He is
Here.
With me
In my place of
Peace?
He is
Here
With me
Through the most
‘devil’
Of
Nights
He is here
In comfort
With me
In addiction.
And
Utter
Depression.
He is here with
Me.
My family
And one lover
My ‘real’
Friends
That
Person is
Here
Now.
Author: Adrian P. He is Here. With me In my place
By Uri Hotchberg
Where Am I
Is this rock bottom
What did I do to deserve this
Why is this happening
Just kill me
There is so much pain
Anger, shame, and guilt
Resentment, fear, and hopelessness
Darkness it’s so dark
Its to dark
There is no light at the end
I’d rather be dead
Isolation is my comfort zone
Love there is none
Not for myself
Not for anyone else
Care- it left my existence
Soul- I have none
Emptiness- I am so empty
Hope- there is none
Dreams- it leads to pain
Decisions- all bad
Emotions- I don’t want to feel
Happy- I am consumed with sadness
So many scars
Hurt many people
Really hurt my family
To many sins
And terrible things
What’s wrong with me
I hate myself
Is it a disease
Was I born with it
Did someone create it
Did I create it
Is there a cure
Is there medicine
How do I get rid of it
Repress it
Bury it
Deep deep
Make it go away
I don’t want to feel it anymore
Self-medicate
Alcohol, drugs that should work
It works till it doesn’t work
Its my way of life
The only way to manage life
Cant get out
Don’t want to get out
Need more more more
It has to work
Its not working
There has to be another way
But I’m not worth it
I don’t deserve it
I shouldn’t be forgiven
I’m not a good person
I have nothing to offer
Choice- decision
Live or die
Happy or sad
Joy or anger
Hope or hopelessness
Forgive myself or live in shame
Dream or fear
Love or hate
I am strong
I can choose
If I love
I can be loved
I can accept what I cant change
I can change what I can
Myself
Take a risk
Let someone in
Give from my heart
Help and to be helped
My love can help you
Your love can help me
My love can help me
I am worth it
By Uri Hotchberg Where Am I Is this rock
Author: Kristy R.
Just another one, os all it takes for my brain to give in. For all the hard work I have put into being sober and starting my new path to be taken away. Just another one, is what can bring me down to my knees to ask God to make me strong enough to fight this voice inside my head.
Just another one, is my runaway thought when I’m overwhelmed or my anxiety is too much to handle. Just another one,Is why I’ve been numb for as long as I can remember blocking all the noise my brain would make.
Just another one,Is why I would lay in bed awake watching time go by and never knowing why I did this to myself. The day I stopped listening to that voice say Just another one,Is when I learned this is not okay.
I have to be stronger then myself, stronger then my cravings, strong enough to know to live in this world of evil with my babies I need to be completely aware of everything completely sober to be able to watch them grow and protect them with everything thing inside of me.
Every time I just took another one I let myself and my children down I was not able to be the mother they needed I couldn’t properly raise them or protect them because I was so numb to everything in this world.
Without another one I can keep striving for the best me possible and learning how to get there without being numb. It’s not easy and never will be but Just another one is not in my dictionary anymore! I have replaced it with you can’t not be numb!
Author: Kristy R. Just another one, os all
Author: Brittany M.
Overwhelmed, feeling exhausted.
Never ending tasks that never get started.
It’s like one step forward – five steps back
Only focus then was finding which vein to track.
With the flash of blood and the push of the plunger
You filled me, like I was starving from hunger.
Steady with the pull, you made me euphoric.
Who would have known how many blessings you’d make me forfeit.
I won’t lie, you helped me get through a great deal of pain;
But keeping you around now, just won’t be the same.
I put you before my relationship, my family, my freedom, and my daughter.
I had a full academic scholarship, I should’ve been smarter.
By God’s grace I have a chance to redeem my life.
I’m going to get my shit together peacefully, without any of your bullshit or strife.
I’m looking forward to freedom in the rest of my days
But don’t get it twisted – I’ll always think of you, but in my past you will stay.
I forgive you for blinding my judgement, making me believe you were a treat
This go around, the only ups and downs I want to face is in between the sheets.
Author: Brittany M. Overwhelmed, feeling exhausted. Never ending tasks
Author: Melissa S.
I said I’d never find you, Who knew that would be a lie I knew what you could do, So now I ask myself why? I felt so alone, You promised me comfort In that first bowl Who knew what I’d suffer One was too many, A thousand wasn’t enough This new beginning Was already to much It hid behind a mask I didn’t see it coming In a trance by the music It seemed to be strumming This is my story Who knew it’d be so sad I only saw the glory Blind to all the bad I no longer felt so blue This should have been a sign Instead Everything I knew Flew from my mind One hit Brought me comfort One shot Brought me to life Nothing seemed wrong Consequences I couldn’t see All my pain was gone I felt so free There could never be a romance Like yours and mine The way that we dance They call crazy in my mind No love could compare Your Always there I can see the despair I know it’s not fair You damaged my life Corrupted my soul This is my fight To repair on my own I need to find me So please let me go Its time for me to truly be free No longer for you to hold Once you were my choice Then you became my habit Now I’ve found my voice I’m recovering not an addict
Author: Melissa S. I said I’d never find
Author: Frankie O.
Awake in the morning
Starts a new day
No fear on awakening
Is the start of today’s play
Doors without locks
Unbarred windows
Comfy sheets clean and dry
I didn’t wake and start to cry
Fish in the fish tank
Birdsong received
A prayer in the morning
Is what I perceive
It says that I am thankful
It asks for his help
To be grateful for his mercy
Kind to them I might help
Coffee in the morning
Maybe even toast
Not gagging in the bathroom
With that mirror’s awful roast
The van is on the driveway
It’s insured it’s even taxed
Who knew the time just flew
Van is even waxed
I am great full to be me today
I wouldn’t have thought there would come a day
When great-full words
Would be mine to say
Author: Frankie O. Awake in the morning Starts a
Author: Samuel W. Asselstine
I wait for her as the sun rises high,
She is not here,
I see her from afar,
She is gone as before,
Little notice and without a thought,
She takes her Love,
And shares herself with so many, yet
I miss her so dearly.
I wait for her as people eat breakfast,
She dines but no longer with me,
I see her in a car,
I see her in a store, and with
Little notice and without a thought,
She has left me for so many, yet still
I miss her so dearly.
She makes me Lie,
And she makes me steal,
She makes me beg,
She makes me kneel,
She makes me hurt,
She makes me cry, and with
Little notice and without a thought
She leaves me for so many,
Why would I miss her so dearly?
I think of her at night,
She doesn’t sleep,
She wakes me up, to check and see,
If she can have just one more spin with me,
There is no such thing as never,
Just not right now please,
I can find her when i want, and she’ll take me,
And everyone else in the way,
She’ll make me happy but not even for a day,
So, I decide when she’s with me,
Not the other way.
Author: Samuel W. Asselstine I wait for her
Author: Darian C.
the feeling comes along like a breeze, I never know when
The eager desire, the stomach aches, the twisted fates, the lies, the smiles, the fakes, the laughs, the losses, the nights you don’t remember, the conversations you’d never have, your moms crying and you don’t care, you called your ex five times, it’s all right there, it’s all here it’s all that you have, it’s all that you take in that green little pill, this is your life this is Xanax
Author: Darian C. the feeling comes along like
Author: Christopher Martinez
Don’t judge me
It’s funny how they think
they got a right to speak
Save it for your speech
can’t even show me What’s right
Getn gone all day barely getn thru night
Actin like everythings fine
Tryna catch me in a slip
Addiction trying to take minds
Hoping today isnt the day that I get got
While my kids waitin at the bus stop
feeling like he forget
fighting all alone
For everything seems lost
They yelling he’s never come home
do everything he can
auto pilot feeling numb
Bendin life tryna get to the top
no time to think Your Modern day robot
Remember the count can’t fuck up now
never break never sleep
Blowin cloud after cloud
Barely able to breathe
I hope you don’t know what it’s like
having starving mouths to feed
And understand what I mean
When I say this ain’t your day to eat
Mentally physically
killed my self for a lie
the sake of what we call love
Pretending you couldn’t see
Had me Lookin like John Pomfrey
When I was there for you , acting like you couldn’t see
Now you lookin down at me
While you up there smiling
My mind six feet under
starring at the clouds
Waiting on something that’s never comin down
Swearin to eternity
She was the one
Look at me now
Tell me if you had a second chance
Would you come back
Continue what we had
once again would I be your last
If you had a machine
Would you go back in time
to tell you love me , just to let me know it’s deeper than the ocean
tell me was it worth overdosin
wishing it was all dream
Would still do anything
Just to see for a second
No matter what it is your dealing with in life
Just don’t judge me
For its not what you do
It’s how you do
So do you
The perfectly imperfect
Author: Christopher Martinez Don’t judge me It’s funny
Author: Jessica McClintock
We survive in the dark shadows of night
Trying to run from our internal curse
Hiding our pain with the smoke that blocks out the light
Falling deeper in darkness feeling better for now while making it worse
Not realizing at first that this puddle is what will cause us to drown
Drawn in by the numbness that masks the hidden inner beast
Fools for thinking we could break free getting high with these chains still dragging us down
Seeking to regain control of our scattered minds and from the torturous emotions find temporary relief
From the glass to the puddle and from that puddle into smoke
This addiction takes over and in its haze we become lost and confused
Days turn to weeks then months into years losing time itself toke after toke
It becomes what seems to be the only thing left preventing this internal explosion and without it we will lose
This battle we have inside ourselves its not a fair fight but more of a catch 22
Inhaling the smoke to hold the grip on sanity yet still going crazy with or without the smoky haze
Becoming increasingly insane with growing self hatred and rage is the problem us addicts face day after day
Broken fragments of ourselves regardless of how much we do to ignore these internal scars
You cant outrun yourself. No matter where you go, there is where you still are
On this broken path of self destruction with nothing left but ourselves to lose
In the end it doesn’t matter we are all just broken people no matter which path in life we choose
Free to make the choice but no one is free of the consequences of those choices
And until Death brings the Devil to kick open Hell’s door
We remain lost in life and in our own minds continuing to fight An Addict’s War.
Author: Jessica McClintock We survive in the dark
