Hell no and Heaven Yes!!! I may learn every aspect of life the hard way, but if I may…it’s absolutely, positively, a part of my D.N.A.
by Contently Bent
In the grips of a Demanding alter ego, I go blow for blow in the inevitable battle for self-destruction and self-preservation.
Brain waves crushing, the ways of one’s mental state, that hesitates to leave me alone. Broken bones mend the gap created when one’s true self is underrated and under attack. Faded, past tense words stated by the enemy’s relevant Mantra Kill or be killed.
Dying ideas spills into my mind, creating subconscious standpoints, as another man points, in a direction he’ll never find. Was i kind? Doubtfully hence the fact I listened to multiple misguided interpretations of the right ways.
Contaminated and defined by this so called disease, I beg and plea to be released from this assumed self inflicted barbaric torture. Bewildered by the omnipotent struggle, I Wonder is any of this actually self-inflicted, or is it a twisted metaphor of one’s spiritual state. I too agree with the complex argument that states its not me. So my fate rest in faith in the one that I was told created me? Or belated me and my well being.
Perplexed by in depth conversations had with no words. This is where the devil lives lavishly creating thoughts, evil and absurd. The pure nature of the Beast is the Beast at least when I’m at my least.
Alive and deceased stuck in the crease of the misguided fate of my DNA. Exact replicas of my hated diabolical biologicals, I swore I’d never become. How come? So from conception, instant deception of what awaits. So I would spend 30 years in tears overwhelmed and consumed by a tangled web of unaddressed fear. The devil stands corrected, neglected by his own misconception of how I’ll remain injected and unprotected.
Unbeknownst and unannounced, the battle remains insanely the same. Until the decision is made, to get up and give up. Really my will, how will I ever trust again? The unmentioned self-proclaimed intentions fade like smoke from the barrel of a gun.
I’m going to argue the fact that I can’t taste touch see feel or smell you as of now. Is it true that you exist or are you the infamous allegory of a grandiose myth. On the flip side I can taste touch smell and dwell in the evil one’s presence. Is this the dis-ease of my disease.
So I’m begging please, release me of the demons that run through the very blood that keeps me alive, or give me peace from the madness and let me die…? Hell no and Heaven Yes!!! I may learn every aspect of life the hard way, but if I may… It’s absolutely, positively, a part of my D.N.A.
To all my loved ones…. Don’t give up on me please. As a matter of fact, we should never give up on anyone!!! So if you recieved this just know that I love and appreciate you all so much and I’m determined to achieve sobriety!
