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Guess it’s been a dark ride here, Cause I’m not sure where I’ve been. I got lost in all the chaos When the bottle sucked me in. From there it was just a dream, An illusion of what was not, And when I was lost the most Is when the bottle hit its spot. Lookin’ out from the inside, I watch as the world goes by. It seems so all together, But I’m not and I wonder why. What’s the difference between us That some seem to find the way Past a bottle of empty promises And hope of a better day. Lord; help me get out of here, It’s a dark place and I’m alone. The only thing that’s real at all Are memories of love and home. This is nowhere I wanna be, But I’m here all the time, Thinkin’ back to those sweet days When feelin’ good meant feelin’ fine.

Guess it’s been a dark ride here,

It’s November 18. I have just left detox facility for at least the fourth time. I’ve been to rehab six different times but right now I’m eating popcorn, watching television drinking a glass of wine. I don’t know why am drinking glass of wine I don’t want to be drinking this glass of wine. I don’t even like the way wine tastes , but here I am ,8 o’clock. Drinking a glass of wine

I’ve gotten paid money to play baseball. I have a masters of business degree and I have been a successful salesman, yet here we are, again. I’m not just the homeless guy is downtown making excuses. This is my excuse, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

Over the years, there’s been labels. Easy ways to identify, to sympathize , to try and understand. Those labels are not incorrect, but are unable to be understood unless truthfully worn.

I wish no one to have to wear that label.
For the label ruins things , ruins, life, it ruins people.

My family should’ve seen a grandson by now, running down those stairs. I don’t know if I’ll ever carry on the family name in.

I felt like I’ve grown up with a lot of responsibility even though I didn’t want it or know how to do it. But I feel like I’ve tried to get my family through things that not everyone should experience and I never move from Wheeling because if I did who would watch my grandmother, she means everything to me

I am writing this in tears, because in 39 years I could never properly identify my feelings or emotions. I don’t know how to live. I don’t know why there’s any questions to go through my head every night like…. what is wrong with me and what can I do? How do I stop this?? and on and on.

Yes I’m an alcoholic. But there’s something in there that’s more . There’s something more than just drinking/. if I knew what it was, I would tell you. there is intense distain for me myself in general Ive done nothing right my whole life. All I wanted to do was have a good time. All I wanted to do was party if that’s even what you call it it wasn’t really partying it was getting to a level that wasn’t me. I didn’t wanna be me I still don’t.

I’m 39 years old I have a dog. yeah I have a place but I have no job and I’m watching TV drinking wine and eating popcorn. What kind a live is that? one day I hope someone read this, and they can relate: sitting on the couch 39 years old, tears streaming down the face, not knowing why not caring why, just not wanting to be with their face

And closing, I just sit here, confused, and guilty to not have lived a life … too regretful to not have lived a life at all.

I don’t know how to express anything. I don’t know how to express thanks , I don’t know how to express gratitude, I have no idea how to say thank you to anyone. I find myself thinking about these things often.. why am I so
Flawed? but why do I have so many talents. I don’t really understand what’s going on in my head. No no that’s rarely not really. Maybe the most flowed can help the most vulnerable. Just let us help

—Justin edwards—- Popcorn

Feelings It’s November 18. I have just left

How does she coax a rose from a stone?

Cold flat surface and non-dimensional plane.

Heavy burden of stone, lifeless, exhausted, no name.

Her days have moved forward with more days yet to come.

And like a stone she won’t let go of the things that she’s done.

And she sits contemplating the greatest of sin, treating each day as a means to an end.

Until one day a question came in the form of a prose.

Is there any way to coax a rose from a stone?

Is there any way to move a stone to rebirth?

No more counting on someone or something to show her self-worth?

So she sits at her table, a stone in her hand and reaches an agreement they both understand.

This life did not give her something already made, but provided the pathway to let her be brave.

So to answer the question that came from this prose;

How does one coax a rose from a stone?

The answer is simple, but the path isn’t straight.

It takes time, patience, bravery, and love to create.

Author: Joyce Brand

How does she coax a rose from

My possesion is depression

making me unable
to move
get up, well
get dressed then!
so obsessed
with no obsession
by nothing
but it’s truly a mountain
so dramatic
I feel
when I fall into depression
slipping away
feeling num
but always feeling too much emotion
empty but way too overloaded
anxiety comes with it
and makes me worry
worry about nothing
and mood changes fast
agitated, irritated and,
quickly overstimulated
the light that was there yesterday
some how today has faded
why ?
just go away
thoughts in my head
begging you to stay
so I can just curl up
and roll away
under my covers
a bottomless abyss
oh how I wish
it didn’t feel like this

© Janelle Erin Elizabeth Peters
all rights reserved 2020

My possesion is depression Depression making me unable to move get