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I’ve experienced and received my answer
I can’t have the poison in my body any longer.
It tasted sweet at first
but turned my insides black with ash,
aggressive fear of repeating the past.

Internal screams flooded my chest with no way out.
Silent tears and toxins drowned my heart.
The taste erased the pride within my growth.

Sorrow and self punishment filled the air the next morning,
nearly impossible to stop the sickness from spreading

I’m reminded of the saying, Once bitten, twice shy.
I decide right then I’ll never be bitten again
I received my answer and let it go for good.

I’ve experienced and received my answer I can’t

Remember me?
We met at a party.
When I was much younger:
You were my best friends.
Always there to lift my up.
Always there to make me laugh.
Always there to help me not care, Nor to cry.
I was always the life of the party.
You numbed me from reality.
From the hurt, and pain inside.
You made me forget the bad, and only think of you.
You and the good you came with.
Or so I thought.
Because at the end.
You took more than everything away.you took… me

Remember me? We met at a party. When I

You were the only one there
when no one was.
You were the only thing to take away the pain.
You numbed me.
You made me not have to feel the hurt I felt each day.
But then you numbed me, to the point where you were the only thing that could help me cope.
You to my mind, life, family, friends.
You took more then my hurt.
You took all of me and more.
Now I sit and of all the things I missed, wasted time because of you.
Now you are gone, I’m taking my life back.
You will no longer control me.
This is my LAST goodbye.
I’m in control now.

You were the only one there when no

Author: Megan K.

Sober Struggle

Down I fall,

It grips me tighter.

My soul forgot,

That I’m a fighter.

It hides until I’m

Idle thinking.

I thought it stopped,

When I stopped drinking.

But it lurks around,

The corner store.

It doesn’t strike,

Until it’s sure.

That every piece,

Is set in place.

To distract me from,

My new found faith.

To remind me that,

It’s here to stay.

No matter how

I choose to pray.

This deamon will not

Leave my side.

But I’ll never run

Away to hide.

Behind the booze,

Or a drug house chair.

God will show me,

He is there.

Falling on my

Bended knees.

They say the bad

Will come in threes.

I’ve counted more,

Throughout my time.

I think God thought,

I needed nine.

These sober days

Have filled my soul.

A diamond made,

From pressured coal.

Rough days come,

I lose my sight.

If I reach out,

He’ll shine a light.

I’ll follow it,

And find my way.

My God is Love,

Amen, I pray.

 

Author: Megan K. Sober Struggle Down I fall, It grips

Author: Alicia R.

I let out a sigh but not one meant for frustration,
More like the one when your landing home from vacation.
Looking back two years prior
When my only concern was to get higher.

That darkness creeps over me like fallen smoke,
Stealing my breath and I choke.
From memory of the sickness that once consumed me
Maintaining how grateful and fortunate that I am now free.

With demons gone, those that I abhor
Pure bliss, laughter and love radiates through my core
I can give my children the life they deserve
These new memories I can now preserve.
If and when those temptations arise
Fleetingly come and go but will not be my demise!

Let my strength and faith shine hope for others still in a dark abyss
There is a way out and you can overcome this!
With enthusiasm to live and a hand reaching out
There is no blackness that you can not surmount!

Author: Alicia R. I let out a sigh

Author: Tricia L.

There is an
ACHE
a heavy-hearted feeling, I cannot equate anything to…

A shadow of sadness behind my smile as I mention your name
because of what
LIES
beneath….

I try each second to engulf you with all the layers of
LOVE
my body can give to make this pain disappear from your being…

I try to remain in SILENCE,

convince myself it is not there….
I try to welcome their presence… but they insist on remaining
HIDDEN

Small GEESE colored GREY trailing one another,
The BIG and small BLUE SKYY, seen below
Ostentatiously organic, RAIN drops in volume
A Representative special of its kind, with refined ingredients from The Capital City of Russia, stoic STOLI.
The FOREIGN UNCLE… PAVING THE WAY AND WAS THE ONE & ONLY… TIL THE OTHERS BECKONED TO BE PART OF THE SECRET

I try to
BLINK
them away, a figment of my imagination
They continue to
REAPPEAR
surprise, and catch me off guard

I try not to succumb into
TEARS,
to crumble in my vulnerability
To remain
STRONG, COURAGEOUS
I try not to buckle, I fell in heaps of sobs
I try not to continue in the evening

Author: Tricia L. There is an ACHE a heavy-hearted feeling,

Author: Aimee Simmons

It’s happening. I’m losing me again. Quite honestly I don’t know if I was ever found. Found in a way that fills this hole, this pain.
You.
I’m waiting on you again.
It’s not your fault you have restrictions. I’m just having a hard time with the intermissions.
I’m anxious and tired; nauseated and can’t sleep.
What am I letting you do to me? Or more logically, what am I doing to myself?
I loved you.
I. Love. You.
And it’s killing me because you’re so close yet still so far.
We are both yet still so far.
Is this real? Or do I listen to my gut? Will I ever really be enough? Are these my insecurities or the ability to see your soul? Are you really narcissistic and manipulative? Is it time I let go?
I’m scared. The pain and anxiety I felt for so long; wondering, worrying, praying for you. No matter what you did to me, I forgave you. I did wrong too.
You get sober and you ask for me. Why?
I’m right back to feeling like I’m not pretty enough for you or good enough for you. The past haunts me. Is it true?
I’m right back to being scared this is all a game. I don’t wanna play.
I don’t know what’s real.
I can’t talk to you and I need you.
I’m so conflicted. I love you so much it’s like a sickness.
Please tell me what’s real.
I need to heal.
I love you.

Author: Aimee Simmons It’s happening. I’m losing me

Author: Logan

they teach you that drugs are bad

but they don’t teach you how to deal with the pain when you’re sad

nobody warned me it could get this bad

i swear i continue to lose everything i’ve ever had

but what do you do when you don’t give a fuuck

when your minds in a rut

always blame things on bad luck

and how the fuck is my mind so sick

life threw me lessons but it never would click

I thought I figured it out, finally found my cure

but all these pills do is put my mind in a blur

the devil asked me to dance so I said sure

it’s gotta be better than the feelings I endure

i swear it was working I couldn’t feel a thing

didn’t realize all the destruction that it could bring

I hurt people around me i hurt the ones that care

but then without them life became a fucking nightmare

I had had enough so I did something that was rare

I said i’m done doing drugs i swear

this pain is nothing i can bare

then the truth was revealed

everything became crystal clear

the pain will follow no matter what it’s always near

do i give up or persevere?

nothing really mattered the drugs were never enough

and everyone swears that i am so tough

little do they know i’ve been drowning cause life is rough

nothing seemed to stop me even being in handcuffs

i gave up everything, every dream

i was living on the streets without a fucking thing

as long as i had these substances to get me through the night

i swear my eyes used to shine so fucking bright

but now i struggle everyday to even find a light

tryna find something inside me to that I can ignite

but all i seemed to find was an evil gunfight

i’ve been at war with myself for as long as I know

no wonder why it feels impossible to ever let go

I been hurting bad and my eyes always show

eventually I realized the drugs had complete control

kinda like the government and the secrets that they hold

I started to think would i ever feel whole

and can I even reach a goal

if only I knew how it would unfold

i found a girl and I swear I had found gold

her personality shined so bright she was beautifully bold

so tell me how someone can turn so goddamn cold

I loved her so hard I never thought I could let go

my heart was broken but it fell apart a long time ago

I wish she knew my feelings but I always struggled to show

maybe if I tried harder she would still be by my side

but deep down i know she’ll forever be my ride or die

she really is the only one that can make me cry

but I still never want to fucking say goodbye

I’d give up anything even getting high

I mean that with all I have I can’t even lie

I don’t need anything else she does more than satisfy

when i’m with her I feel like I could fly

you really only meet someone like this once in a lifetime

I fell in love right away she needed to be mine

everydays a good day even if we out committing crimes

damn you should see this girl she’s a fucking dime

with her there’s not a mountain i couldn’t clime

when i’m with her i’m always in my prime

the day she left me destroyed me inside

I couldn’t get her off my mind as long as i tried

I needed something strong to make me numb

I would’ve pulled the trigger if I had a gun

what’s a life without my love I swore she was the one

when she was mine I swear I had won, like I hit a home run, if anyone were to hurt her i’d pull up w a shotgun

It hurt so bad I needed something strong

I was so down couldn’t even hit the bong

cause when I did she stayed on my mind for so goddamn long

then one day someone offered me a remedy

they said I promise you I found the perfect recipe

it’ll heal you mentally

way faster than therapy

so do you want the key?

please yes give me anything

I don’t care what it may bring

help me breathe

then they handed me something that would never leave

growing up we learned to stay away from any hard drug

but they must not know the feeling when it goes straight to your blood

that type of rush can’t be beat by any fucking hug

the needle is evil in the sweetest kind of way

the deeply rooted pain quickly began to slip away

this feeling of bliss i need it to stay

yes i had finally found the strongest getaway

even though i kept dying every other day

you’d think that would be enough for me to make a change

but nah I gave the dope man my life in exchange

I turned into a zombie from this game

I would find anything to blame

I didn’t even recognize the person I became

I knew it was lame and I was living in shame

and all the fiends seemed to feel the same

I could tell we were all tryna escape the fucking pain

the amount of lives i’ve had to save is truly goddamn sad

nobody does heroin unless things are really fucking bad

you know your head ain’t right

when you can’t sleep at night

never have an appetite

life doesn’t matter n i’m losing the fight

i don’t give a fuck if I make it through the night

life turns darker and I struggle to ignite

really losing all the light

everybody now notices my eyes don’t shine so bright

if your dancing with the devil just know he will bite

living this lifestyle your guaranteed to lose the fight

addiction is a battle nothing happens overnight

but if you put the work in you can take back your life

cause if you keep it up you’ll soon see the afterlife

don’t you want to feel alive? right now your just living to fucking survive

I promise you can make it through and you’re gonna thrive

don’t let your friends and family have to say goodbye

the pain you put them through is never worth the high

addicts know addicts n we always justify

but take my advice all of your problems will just multiply

and soon enough nothing will satisfy

i’ve lived my whole life using drugs to get by

you’ll have dual personalities like a gemini

now i want you to look me in the eye

i know your not happy and you can’t deny

listen to my words cause i only speak the truth

I wish I could turn the time back to my youth

I promise you there are better ways to soothe

because right now you don’t even know you

still feel so blue from what you’ve been through

stop destroying yourself if only you could see my point of view

just make sure your chillin with the right crew

you’ve been through hell there’s nothing you can’t do

n the real ones will always help you through

forgive yourself you’re only human too

pain is inevitable there’s nothing you can do

but you can grow from it or it’ll control you

you don’t need to fight this battle alone

i know you always try to do it all on your own

I promise it’s easier here try some methadone

don’t live up to expectations, set up your own milestones

  i know it’s hard but it’s okay to ask for help

stop the torture nobody can do it themselves

let people make it easier for you

love and support always helps you make it through

there’s no timeline recovery’s not a straight line

and relapses happen don’t let it be a reason to decline

you still have people rooting for you on the sideline

recovery is a process it’s hard and it hurts

but i know it’s fucking worth it if it gets you out the dirt

no matter where you go your addiction will always lurk

you’ll always be an addict and it’s constant fucking work

but don’t let it define you cause you have so much worth

I hope you fall in love with being alive

you’ve struggled a lot it’s been a long drive

you deserve happiness and some peace of mind

so give yourself a chance and leave that shit behind

Author: Logan they teach you that drugs are