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HomeArticles Posted by Ghostwriter (Page 2)
Poetry

Addiction you stole from me

You hid so well from me
Through kids eyes I couldn’t see
But I felt the depth of something heavy
Unsure what the case might be,
What causes my mum to struggle much more than normally
Addiction you meant nothing to me!

Addiction you stole from me
My innocent out look went too early
The safety of our family
You took her oh so slowly
You took my sisters childhood brutally
Addiction you meant nothing to me

Addiction you stole from me
Childhood innocence ripped away
Father and mother left that day
Respect for adults lost in every way
Finally addiction you meant everything to me, if only we seen you creep in that day, too late, our souls were taken away
You seen her weakness, you had your prey
You took our person, left us a shell! And left all of us to go through hell

Addiction you gave to me
a life sentence to carry, The hurt, the pain, that path carrying all that trauma and all them chains watching your loved one battle over and over again
But yet you learn you can’t help, just hope they are strong enuf to take the reigns and try and out run all their pain
I hope no one ever has to say addiction you took my loved one away!

Addiction has no preference or defining factors
Of who to consume and leave in tatters
No one should judge, Laugh or point savagely
Because you’re a small minority to be lucky enough where addiction isn’t invaded any part of your family!!
So my message to all and one I will leave happily
If you want to make a massive change and help humanity
All you have to do is go home and pour love into your family!
So that no addictions will creep in through a crack in a damaged souls armoury!
So even when life side swipes unexpectedly  the love you poured in over the years might just be enough to hold back that soul destroying entity!
And  no matter the love sometimes a soul been broken and can’t be repaired..

Addiction then strips there victim bare,
Takes their dignity, self respect and morals
But yet doesn’t stop there
slowly and surely will leave you with nothing and no one, still it isn’t done
Now I have finished my life sentences with my mum,
Addiction please leave me and my loved alone
to mend a life time of broken hearts,
You got what you wanted a family in parts
A broken lost soul who gave everything away
To keep contact with you in any way

It’s here addiction won’t let you go until you have given all of your body and all of your  soul.
That’s why we had to bury our mummy you wouldn’t let go until she was gone from us completely
Good bye addiction I can finally say
The carnage the hurt the rage I now face
Is all I have left where a mother should be placed

They say addiction takes hold like being possessed
A hard fight to fight and a fight lost by the best of the best
It’s grip so strong you can’t catch your breath!
But I see you different
I value you less
I am much less impressed
All I see is a blood sucking leech he
Who feeds on all society’s most vulnerable and lost

So I don’t think your as scary as the poison you inject in your victims heads
I think your a coward that can only feed on a soul who is already half dead, with no fight in their soul, it’s a hurtful road ahead
For a weak soul will be a broken seed
It’s in them broken cracks
The virus seps
Bit by bit
Day by day it steals away
The strength in you, there’s no running away!

I see no strength in you
The strong don’t pray on the vulnerable and weak.
The weakest, injured souls is who you seek
A vulture, a rat, feeding on what’s left of the poor souls that where once fully intact!

God love the next poor family that comes across you
not knowing
the damage and the trauma that surrounds you

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Addiction you stole from me You hid so

Personal Journeys, Poetry

Embetween memories and thoughts of defeati rack lines on this mirror stuck in DisbeliefWhat have i becomei marvel rathen than ponder on who i am today a toxic routine planted roots every morning i toss a seed another takes its place its hard to live as empty as i feel today i know the sun sets differently when i pray i atill live in shame its obvious i cant snort this pain away tommorrow is another day when i wake ill pray for a sober breath instead of another action of disgust

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Embetween memories and thoughts of defeati rack

Poetry, Treatment Programs

What is a dad? Is it someone who wipes away your tears when you are sad? Is it someone’s hand to hold when you are glad? What if neither of these are true but you still love the man that made you. Sometimes I want to scream and tell you I hate you, then I look in your eyes and it reminds me I still love you. It’s not your fault I keep telling myself over again but nothing can make you stop not even our pain. If you can’t not knew what you’ve put us through, maybe that would make you find the real you. You were a loving man with family who care, grandkids a plenty who wound love you to be there. We love you dad I wish you knew and we could always be the family we wanted to be true.

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What is a dad? Is it someone

Personal Journeys, Poetry, Spiritual Recovery

I’ve experienced and received my answer
I can’t have the poison in my body any longer.
It tasted sweet at first
but turned my insides black with ash,
aggressive fear of repeating the past.

Internal screams flooded my chest with no way out.
Silent tears and toxins drowned my heart.
The taste erased the pride within my growth.

Sorrow and self punishment filled the air the next morning,
nearly impossible to stop the sickness from spreading

I’m reminded of the saying, Once bitten, twice shy.
I decide right then I’ll never be bitten again
I received my answer and let it go for good.

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I’ve experienced and received my answer I can’t

Poetry

Have you seen a girl named Tina?
Thin and pale, welts on her face;
Blood flowing through her crystallized,
Black hole pupils fill up space.

Have you seen a girl named Tina?
Can’t go five hours without the pipe,
Shivers like it’s the dead of night,
Sweat dripping she forgets to wipe.

Have you seen a girl named Tina?
Chasing a high she’ll never reach,
Climbing a mountain only to find
The peak was far, far behind.

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Have you seen a girl named Tina? Thin

Poetry

a simple ritual
– for mary

A simple ritual that makes
it go away.
its just a simple ritual.
i take the thought
and put it between
two slices of rye bread
i add swiss cheese
and yellow mustard
with the thought

i see the crazy thing
poking through
the holes in the cheese
then i sat at the
calm kitchen table
with the thought in my hands,
and i eat it.

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a simple ritual - for mary A simple ritual

Poetry

MY JOURNEY THROUGH ADDICTION
In my addiction, I was a liar.
My only goal then was how to get higher.
Numbing out thoughts and ‘passing the buck,’
Beaten and bruised, and clear out of luck.
Hurting all those who once loved me most
And borrowing cash from coast to coast.
While abandoning morals and losing all pride,
Shame and regret’s all I felt deep inside.
My job and my husband just got in the way,
‘Cause both had stopped giving me money to play.
Got arrested, molested, then lived at the Six.
(Went to such shameful lengths to get my next fix).
Unable to sleep, just stayed on my feet,
Stealing and wheeling and dealing *repeat.*
Excuses, abuses, I just didn’t care.
Self-loathing and cutting sure got me nowhere.
Now a shell of the outgoing girl I once was
(Well, I threw her away for a ten-minute buzz).
No, family, no friends, no money for drugs,
Just sketchy motels and hanging with thugs.
No motivation, no pride, no reprieve.
“I’m better off dead!” I came to believe.
Shattered and broken, I dropped to my knees,
Looked upwards and cried, “Dear Lord, help me please!
I’m done, I give in. I just tired and spent!”
And before I realized it, I began to repent.
“Please show me the way, please give me a sign!”
I waited and wondered if there was still time.
I then heard some voices so I turned and found
About five or six people just standing around.
Their faces looked bright, and they spoke with such ease
Like my friends and I did, before this disease.
Filtering inside the church one-by-one,
I wanted so badly to join in their fun.
Where were they going? To Church? Now? Mid-week?
Still, they seemed to have all the things that I seek.
Next, what I saw, just left me mind-blown…
The church-window sign read “You’re no longer alone.”
I lost it, I bawled, for my sign … was a sign!
And from that moment on, I just knew I’d be fine.
I found myself creeping towards the church door
(Two A’s side by side assured me once more).
“Hey there, I’m Steve, take a load off, come in!”
(I doubt they’d be smiling if they’d knew where I’d been,
And all the people I’ve hurt, all the bad things I’ve done,
And why, just to escape this thing I’d become?)
So, o’er the next hour they spoke of their past.
Their story was mine….was I home at long last?
They shared from the Big Book and explained the twelve steps.
For sobriety, was I willing to go to such depths?
YES! It was worth anything I had in me to give.
Tired of just getting by, I now wanted to live!
So I took a deep breath, no longer melancholic
I said “Hi my name is Tracy. I’m an addict and alcoholic”
July 17, 2023

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MY JOURNEY THROUGH ADDICTION In my addiction, I

Poetry

Hopelessness in Alcoholism
This isn’t going as I planned
It’s like I’m racing through quick sand
Too proud to call out for a hand
I wish that I could understand
Or perhaps if I could just rewind
That first drink I took to be kind
I’d likely not be so inclined
If I knew the madness I’d designed
My skin is crawling day and night
I scoff when up comes morning light
I steal, I hide, I scream and fight
Too many wrongs that I can’t right
How did this take such a hold of me?
I used to have a close family
And dreams and friends that I would see
But the bottle’s now priority
It’s sad just how relieved I feel
The bottle has such great appeal
And it’s not all that I conceal
Yet, I’d choose it over any meal
The smell of the LCBO
The shameful lengths that I will go
It will be my demise, I know
Committing suicide real slow
I don’t deserve a second chance
So don’t give me a second glance
Into addiction I advance
Such Unfortunate circumstance
Jan 30, 2024

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Hopelessness in Alcoholism This isn’t going as I

Poetry

My Childhood
I remember when I was about four or five,
Making up dances, felt so alive.
Sleep overs often, I had friends all around.
At night, unafraid, I’d sleep safe and sound.
Then as a preteen, when puberty hit,
I began to compare, just not sure where I fit.
This girl was faster and that girl was slim…
My outlook on life became fear-filled and grim.
I dressed how they dressed, I adopted new slang,
And dashed for the phone every time that it rang.
I wanted so badly to just not stand out,
And by the time I hit high school I’d started to sprout.
Perhaps if I ate less and got name brand shoes…
I could numb insecurities with Daddy’s booze,
Just a little nip here, perhaps another nip there,
A few sips before class so I could just sit and stare.
Before long I realized I was drinking each day,
I ate lunch alone and soon quit the school play.
I stopped caring so much about what others thought,
And forgot almost everything that I was just taught.
For, my best friend in the world was contained in a bottle,
And I no longer cared about becoming a model.
I no longer cared about much anymore,
And would often wake up on a strange bedroom floor.
No more dances in courtyards, just drinking alone.
My dealer’s the only number I call on the phone.
How did this happen? Where did I go wrong?
Perhaps this was my destiny all along….
January 26, 2024

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My Childhood I remember when I was about

Poetry

My Good Friend Tina

I love to watch the crystal melt from a solid to liquid gold
The smoke, it swirls and dances free; wish I could be so bold
She hits my lungs, then veins, then heart and quickly takes effect
My pupils large, as she takes charge of this high, willing subject
I press the gas, perhaps too fast and my thoughts pick up in pace
Worries and fears and emotionless tears and no concept of time or space
An hour goes by, I’m still in the same spot, clenched muscles now achy and sore
With spasms and ticks added into the mix, I reach over and smoke some more
I barely get by on this dopamine high yet remain unfocussed and dazed
My brain cells recede as I pick and I bleed, only mildly aware, but not phased
The addict in me chooses this misery over seeing my family or friends
She rules all my time and she takes my last dime and not once has e’er made amends

4/10/2023 (2 weeks before treatment for crystal meth addiction)

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My Good Friend Tina I love to watch