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Author: Savanna Tufts

Behind her bright eyes was a mind full of fear

She hid that pain well, barely ever shed a tear

Her smile hid a heart full of hurt but she still had a laugh like no one else

She cared for everyone in the world, everyone except for herself

She took the wrong road, that speed limit growing faster

The progression was excessive, she was a beautiful disaster

That smile would fade and that laugh would disappear

Her mind growing foggy and her thoughts now unclear

Her conscience being drained, and her sense of belonging was gone

Impulsive and unable to differentiate the right from the wrong

Being stripped of who she is, that beauty turning into a beast

Her innocence transformed and a monster would unleash

Unrecognizable from the woman that she once used to be

She needed a glimpse of hope to realize that she had to dig deep

And reach into her soul and find within herself that little girl

The one that would once smile in public and it would light up the world

To teach her that she doesn’t need to be scared, give her the strength she never had

Tell her that she can remain pure in a world that is brimming with bad

To let her know that it doesn’t matter who she became, only who she becomes now

She can turn that beast back to beauty, if she would let some faith in and allow

Allow positivity in and surround herself with like-mind others

That have the same goals as her, that way she no longer suffers

With an everyday obsession to rid herself of her truth

To stuff the pain and hurt that she keeps bottled in from her youth

To grow and let go of those that keep holding her back

That keep dragging her down and blocking her light so it’s black

Darkness is debilitating and it keeps her from leaping toward

Her dreams, and It hurts her, but their stagnant and she has got to flow forward

Cuz if she doesn’t heal what hurt her, she will bleed on those those that didn’t cut her

Trapped in a cocoon, blocking metamorphosis from happening so her wings cannot flutter

And that will fill her up with shame and remorse and strip her of her happy ever after

And her beautiful success story would end, once again, a beautiful disaster

Author: Savanna Tufts Behind her bright eyes was

Author: Savanna Tufts

My bottled up feelings boil up and like a volcano they eventually erupt

I impulsively pick up and start burning everything that I touch

These cravings engulf me, as if they were a  tidal wave

They master and control me, like I am their vital slave

Like a sink hole, my face descends and begins to concave

My eyes deeply sunken in, like a skeleton in a grave

Like a tornado, I spiral, and start destroying everything in my path

When I can’t get what I want, you know you’ll hear my wrath

Relapse after relapse and another mistake after mistake

Breaking my heart and my home, like there was an earthquake

The thoughts of my past flow in rapid, like there is a flood

Ruining the lives of my friends and the lives of my blood

This disease steals all of my light, as if it were an eclipse

I got some tools to stop, but my belt isn’t fully equip

Some people claim it’s not a disease, and ignorance is bliss

Will this be the death of us all, like there’s an apocalypse

Like a hurricane, addiction is cruel and a force

You have to let each relapse just run it’s course

As we let a natural disaster run the course that they do

Cuz if intervened you don’t know what might ensue

The overwhelming fear and remorse rumbling in my mind like thunder

Sometimes so unbearable I think I’d be better off six feet under

I wish they could just shock my head with a bolt of lightning

So I could have a normal brain instead of one that is frightening

I’m afraid of my own thoughts and my life starts to crumble, that’s erosion

It’s blowing up every bit of my persona, now that’s an explosion

Coating my character like rust on metal, now that’s some corrosion

Every single hope and dream I’ve had shattered, like an implosion

I’ve got to pump the breaks and start moving slower, not faster

Because I’ve got to stop living my life like an unnatural disaster

Author: Savanna Tufts My bottled up feelings boil

Old Me

Author: April Cornwell

Crystal rocks & different kinds of baggies
money stacked 5’s, 10’s, 20’s, & 50’s
phone goes off another person at my door
plenty of money doesnt matter I want more
police are running up surprise its a raid
I was careful but is always ends the same
county here I come and I don’t even care
hell I knew the risks & still bravely dared
opening my eyes realizing it was just a dream
no shaking or cold sweats for I’m still clean
I refused to live that life any longer
that’s the old me now I’m stronger.

Old Me Author: April Cornwell Crystal rocks & different

Lifestyle

Author: April Cornwell

Sometimes I still feel the pull
the want to be back in that lifestyle,
I have to fight it every single day
to give up will be a life in exile,
now i awake always wondering
just who in the hell was I?
exchanging rocks for dollar bills
knowing at any second I could die,
that door to destruction has closed
I’ve opened another even better door,
now I’m sober life is way different
i refuse to live that way anymore,
I know I can be a better person
that lifestyle isn’t worth a damn,
even though at times it was fun
I know now this is who I am.

Lifestyle Author: April Cornwell Sometimes I still feel the

Author: Logan

they teach you that drugs are bad

but they don’t teach you how to deal with the pain when you’re sad

nobody warned me it could get this bad

i swear i continue to lose everything i’ve ever had

but what do you do when you don’t give a fuuck

when your minds in a rut

always blame things on bad luck

and how the fuck is my mind so sick

life threw me lessons but it never would click

I thought I figured it out, finally found my cure

but all these pills do is put my mind in a blur

the devil asked me to dance so I said sure

it’s gotta be better than the feelings I endure

i swear it was working I couldn’t feel a thing

didn’t realize all the destruction that it could bring

I hurt people around me i hurt the ones that care

but then without them life became a fucking nightmare

I had had enough so I did something that was rare

I said i’m done doing drugs i swear

this pain is nothing i can bare

then the truth was revealed

everything became crystal clear

the pain will follow no matter what it’s always near

do i give up or persevere?

nothing really mattered the drugs were never enough

and everyone swears that i am so tough

little do they know i’ve been drowning cause life is rough

nothing seemed to stop me even being in handcuffs

i gave up everything, every dream

i was living on the streets without a fucking thing

as long as i had these substances to get me through the night

i swear my eyes used to shine so fucking bright

but now i struggle everyday to even find a light

tryna find something inside me to that I can ignite

but all i seemed to find was an evil gunfight

i’ve been at war with myself for as long as I know

no wonder why it feels impossible to ever let go

I been hurting bad and my eyes always show

eventually I realized the drugs had complete control

kinda like the government and the secrets that they hold

I started to think would i ever feel whole

and can I even reach a goal

if only I knew how it would unfold

i found a girl and I swear I had found gold

her personality shined so bright she was beautifully bold

so tell me how someone can turn so goddamn cold

I loved her so hard I never thought I could let go

my heart was broken but it fell apart a long time ago

I wish she knew my feelings but I always struggled to show

maybe if I tried harder she would still be by my side

but deep down i know she’ll forever be my ride or die

she really is the only one that can make me cry

but I still never want to fucking say goodbye

I’d give up anything even getting high

I mean that with all I have I can’t even lie

I don’t need anything else she does more than satisfy

when i’m with her I feel like I could fly

you really only meet someone like this once in a lifetime

I fell in love right away she needed to be mine

everydays a good day even if we out committing crimes

damn you should see this girl she’s a fucking dime

with her there’s not a mountain i couldn’t clime

when i’m with her i’m always in my prime

the day she left me destroyed me inside

I couldn’t get her off my mind as long as i tried

I needed something strong to make me numb

I would’ve pulled the trigger if I had a gun

what’s a life without my love I swore she was the one

when she was mine I swear I had won, like I hit a home run, if anyone were to hurt her i’d pull up w a shotgun

It hurt so bad I needed something strong

I was so down couldn’t even hit the bong

cause when I did she stayed on my mind for so goddamn long

then one day someone offered me a remedy

they said I promise you I found the perfect recipe

it’ll heal you mentally

way faster than therapy

so do you want the key?

please yes give me anything

I don’t care what it may bring

help me breathe

then they handed me something that would never leave

growing up we learned to stay away from any hard drug

but they must not know the feeling when it goes straight to your blood

that type of rush can’t be beat by any fucking hug

the needle is evil in the sweetest kind of way

the deeply rooted pain quickly began to slip away

this feeling of bliss i need it to stay

yes i had finally found the strongest getaway

even though i kept dying every other day

you’d think that would be enough for me to make a change

but nah I gave the dope man my life in exchange

I turned into a zombie from this game

I would find anything to blame

I didn’t even recognize the person I became

I knew it was lame and I was living in shame

and all the fiends seemed to feel the same

I could tell we were all tryna escape the fucking pain

the amount of lives i’ve had to save is truly goddamn sad

nobody does heroin unless things are really fucking bad

you know your head ain’t right

when you can’t sleep at night

never have an appetite

life doesn’t matter n i’m losing the fight

i don’t give a fuck if I make it through the night

life turns darker and I struggle to ignite

really losing all the light

everybody now notices my eyes don’t shine so bright

if your dancing with the devil just know he will bite

living this lifestyle your guaranteed to lose the fight

addiction is a battle nothing happens overnight

but if you put the work in you can take back your life

cause if you keep it up you’ll soon see the afterlife

don’t you want to feel alive? right now your just living to fucking survive

I promise you can make it through and you’re gonna thrive

don’t let your friends and family have to say goodbye

the pain you put them through is never worth the high

addicts know addicts n we always justify

but take my advice all of your problems will just multiply

and soon enough nothing will satisfy

i’ve lived my whole life using drugs to get by

you’ll have dual personalities like a gemini

now i want you to look me in the eye

i know your not happy and you can’t deny

listen to my words cause i only speak the truth

I wish I could turn the time back to my youth

I promise you there are better ways to soothe

because right now you don’t even know you

still feel so blue from what you’ve been through

stop destroying yourself if only you could see my point of view

just make sure your chillin with the right crew

you’ve been through hell there’s nothing you can’t do

n the real ones will always help you through

forgive yourself you’re only human too

pain is inevitable there’s nothing you can do

but you can grow from it or it’ll control you

you don’t need to fight this battle alone

i know you always try to do it all on your own

I promise it’s easier here try some methadone

don’t live up to expectations, set up your own milestones

  i know it’s hard but it’s okay to ask for help

stop the torture nobody can do it themselves

let people make it easier for you

love and support always helps you make it through

there’s no timeline recovery’s not a straight line

and relapses happen don’t let it be a reason to decline

you still have people rooting for you on the sideline

recovery is a process it’s hard and it hurts

but i know it’s fucking worth it if it gets you out the dirt

no matter where you go your addiction will always lurk

you’ll always be an addict and it’s constant fucking work

but don’t let it define you cause you have so much worth

I hope you fall in love with being alive

you’ve struggled a lot it’s been a long drive

you deserve happiness and some peace of mind

so give yourself a chance and leave that shit behind

Author: Logan they teach you that drugs are

If Addiction Could Talk 

by Leeanna Kligis

I can’t wait to escape all my problems.

And forget that they’ll all come back in the morning.

 

I am trying.

But I don’t know how to do this.

 

I’ve been programmed with an addict brain.

 

A quick fix that gives me instant gratification.

 

It’s the only thing I know.

I constantly wonder if everyone feels this messed up.

 

I am so confused.

 

I’m not sure what I want anymore.

 

Or who I am.

 

I set goals but don’t follow through.

 

I am a failure.

 

I feel like I’ve tried everything, and nothing works.

 

I just want to fix me.

 

But am I even broken?

 

One last time.

 

No one has to know.

 

I’ll get back on track.

 

Am I addicted?

I’ll start tomorrow.

I’ll stop tomorrow.

It feels like I’m at war with myself.

People are scared to say these things out loud.

 

But I’m not.

Because it’s so spot on that I have chills running down my spine.

Fast..

Or is it fast?

 

My memory is foggy and things blur together..

It’s romantic.

How in love with escaping my life I am.

I don’t need anything or anyone else.

Besides snacks and sleep aids.

I want to be alone….

Party by myself.

 

I have no desire to be intimate since I started medication again.

Because no one understands what I’m going through.

I am content with my addiction.

Then I’m not.

I decide to quit.

And I do.

But lately I can’t control it.

It’s odd.

I just want to sedate myself.

I want to chill and sleep and escape.

I feel crazy.

I’m addicted to a feeling.

I miss my old life.

Way less thinking, that’s for sure.

I don’t even know how to be sober right now.

But it’s the last time… Right?

 

The old me is back.

 

For the night at least.

I just saw them in the mirror.

The old me is dangerous and sexy and exciting and way more fun than sober me.

 

I finally feel good again.

But I can’t talk to people about it anymore.

 

I have done this over and over again.

I’m like the person that cried sobriety.

 

I am a hypocrite. An imposter.

 

I have no credibility.

That’s how I feel.

What is the real reason we want to use substance?

To escape.

Escape what you ask?

That loud self-critical voice.

The harsh inner dialog that never quiets down.

Are the pills making me better or worse?

What’s the point?

To feel good.

To forget.

To remember.

 

To make it until tomorrow I guess.

I’m trapped in the past and racing toward the future.

I can’t handle my thoughts anymore.

They are screaming at me.

 

I feel so alone.

 

Will things ever get better?

 

I just want peace.

If Addiction Could Talk  by Leeanna Kligis I can't

You never would’ve believed it!
Just yesterday I was getting high.
Now I’m in this church dressed in white.
Flowers everywhere…it’s blowing my mind.
Funny how things can change in one night.
I used to be the Fentanyl Queen,
the pill chaser….a heroin fiend.
I admit my addiction had me down.
But I knew eventually , I’d come around.
Who would’ve believed it?
Looks like I’m about to tie the knot.
I swear last night was my last damn shot.
I mean it this time. I’m staying clean.
Just goes to show…never lose your dreams.
Me and my man are finally saying “I do.”
After marriage who knows? I may go back to school.
My family and friends came just to see me.
It’s all so surreal.  There isn’t one empty seat!
Nobody would believe it!
I’m out of pills and I don’t care.
I feel a change…like I’m walking on air.
My dad is crying.  I guess he’s afraid.
He doesn’t want to give his little girl away.
I have to go see him.  Why does he keep looking down?
I hope my man doesn’t see my wedding gown.
But halfway there my body goes numb.
I’m struck with guilt.  What have I done?
As I get closer I’m pained at the sight,
of my dad devastated, as he tells me goodbye.
Can you believe this?
My Cold feet and heart freeze my path.
I look down and see what he was looking at.
Then I realize it’s not my wedding day.
My family and friends aren’t here to celebrate.
It seems I’m here as my own guest,
to watch them lay me down to rest.
Just yesterday I was getting high.
Now I’m in this church dressed in white….
I never would’ve believed it.

 

Author: Tamara

You never would’ve believed it! Just yesterday I

Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this beautiful poem.

Shame, guilt, remorse,

Could I possibly feel any worse?

Anger, resentment, pain,

Coursing through my veins.

 

Prisoner of disease,

Crawling on my knees.

Please help me, I mumble,

In the dark I do stumble.

 

Looking for the light,

So far out of sight.

Feeding my addiction at all cost,

All hope is lost.

 

Spiritually bankrupt,

Feeling completely stuck.

Unable to hide

Behind my mountain of false pride.

 

Pain is so great,

I begin to suffocate.

Fear mounting so high,

I think I might die.

 

Then a hand reaches out,

To me, one so full of doubt.

Saying “why don’t you try our way?”

Just for today.

 

Shaken, hopeless, and beaten,

I attended the meeting.

Inside I found warmth and laughter,

A sense of being together.

 

One day, one step at a time,

Out of the pit I began to climb.

Trembling along the way,

Hoping for a new day.

 

Then the miracle happened,

The chains were broken.

Freedom and happiness at last,

No longer prisoner of the past.

 

Spiritual connection made,

No reason to be afraid.

The amazing gift of sobriety,

So freely given to me.

 

For this I will forever be,

A grateful addict in recovery.

For all who still suffer,

Just know you can recover!

Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this

Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this piece.

So, I woke up today (my usual cheerful self in the mornings🥴), letting a snarled “good morning” out from under my breath.

Went about my morning, had some prayer and meditation, played with my puppy, and tried wiping the sleep from my eyes.

Here’s what I know about today. Today is all I have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.

So for today, I know this: Today I walk a free woman. Not in the sense many of you may think, but in the spiritual sense.

For years I lived in a dark place, suffocating inside my own skin, silently dying inside.

What I felt: Lost. Hopeless. Angry. Resentful. Hurt. Shame. Guilt. Defensive. Misery.

What I tried to portray: Happy. Confident. Successful.

The lie lasted for far too long, until my insides spilled out onto the outside.

It was then, when I felt broken beyond repair that a HAND reached out. What I had left to bring was a smidge of willingness. The doors were wide open.

I slithered (if you will) through the doors. It has taken time for all the shattered pieces to be picked up and repaired, but inside the workshop the miracle transpired. Inside the workshop, this broken woman was lovingly repaired.

I have true friends today, and even more surprising, I can be that true friend to someone else.

I can look people in their eyes. I can admit my wrongs.

I can know that my God is there and will lovingly guide me through this life.

I can genuinely smile today.

I can laugh, and more importantly, I can cry and not feel shame for doing so.

I can FEEL. I can feel happiness, sadness, pain, frustration, anger, and so much more. I no longer need to stuff the feelings I ran from for so long.

I can accept that I am human, and in being so, I am NOT nor will I ever be perfect.

I can accept my flaws and in doing so, I can be aware of them and can ask for help with overcoming them ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I can journey through this walk called life and know that I AM NOT ALONE.

These are the miracles that have happened to me.

I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

I have a relationship with God today that I didn’t think was possible for me. I

f you or anyone you know is struggling with something, just know you are not beyond help.

You are loved. You are worthy of grace. You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy. All you have to do is reach out and ask.

Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this

by TomCat

Shadows drift around me slowly.

Covering my wounds and scars.

As days pass by, I grow lonely.

These shadows feel like prison bars.

I cast these shadows in the darkness, leaving them there eternally.

I know they won’t forget my scars.

Why must they haunt and scorn me?

They took everything I had.

I should have acted how they told me, but back then I merely laughed.

Ignorance had damn near filled me.

Loneliness was all I had.

Then at last I saw a shimmer, perhaps peace had yet arrived.

That light constantly flickered, until it burnt out and died.

Is this the way life’s meant to be?

Nothing left to see or do.

Time flies by so rapidly.

Is it too late or far too soon?

by TomCat Shadows drift around me slowly. Covering my