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Author: Maggie Millian

There’s so much pain.

It feels like an ocean.

Sometimes the ocean is calm and sunny.

But when there’s a storm,

And the water gets choppy

I feel the waves crashing against my body.

But the thing is

that even when it is sunny,

The ocean is still there.

And I know what the water is capable of doing to me.

How quickly it can turn on me.

How the water can lift me up 

And deliver me back down 

gently.

Or it can drown me. 

And when the storm comes,

The problem is,

I never know if it will pass.

And I certainly can’t remember how the sun felt.

All I can remember is the grief of knowing that sunshine was once possible.

Author: Maggie Millian There’s so much pain. It feels

Author: Savanna Tufts

Behind her bright eyes was a mind full of fear

She hid that pain well, barely ever shed a tear

Her smile hid a heart full of hurt but she still had a laugh like no one else

She cared for everyone in the world, everyone except for herself

She took the wrong road, that speed limit growing faster

The progression was excessive, she was a beautiful disaster

That smile would fade and that laugh would disappear

Her mind growing foggy and her thoughts now unclear

Her conscience being drained, and her sense of belonging was gone

Impulsive and unable to differentiate the right from the wrong

Being stripped of who she is, that beauty turning into a beast

Her innocence transformed and a monster would unleash

Unrecognizable from the woman that she once used to be

She needed a glimpse of hope to realize that she had to dig deep

And reach into her soul and find within herself that little girl

The one that would once smile in public and it would light up the world

To teach her that she doesn’t need to be scared, give her the strength she never had

Tell her that she can remain pure in a world that is brimming with bad

To let her know that it doesn’t matter who she became, only who she becomes now

She can turn that beast back to beauty, if she would let some faith in and allow

Allow positivity in and surround herself with like-mind others

That have the same goals as her, that way she no longer suffers

With an everyday obsession to rid herself of her truth

To stuff the pain and hurt that she keeps bottled in from her youth

To grow and let go of those that keep holding her back

That keep dragging her down and blocking her light so it’s black

Darkness is debilitating and it keeps her from leaping toward

Her dreams, and It hurts her, but their stagnant and she has got to flow forward

Cuz if she doesn’t heal what hurt her, she will bleed on those those that didn’t cut her

Trapped in a cocoon, blocking metamorphosis from happening so her wings cannot flutter

And that will fill her up with shame and remorse and strip her of her happy ever after

And her beautiful success story would end, once again, a beautiful disaster

Author: Savanna Tufts Behind her bright eyes was

Author: Savanna Tufts

My bottled up feelings boil up and like a volcano they eventually erupt

I impulsively pick up and start burning everything that I touch

These cravings engulf me, as if they were a  tidal wave

They master and control me, like I am their vital slave

Like a sink hole, my face descends and begins to concave

My eyes deeply sunken in, like a skeleton in a grave

Like a tornado, I spiral, and start destroying everything in my path

When I can’t get what I want, you know you’ll hear my wrath

Relapse after relapse and another mistake after mistake

Breaking my heart and my home, like there was an earthquake

The thoughts of my past flow in rapid, like there is a flood

Ruining the lives of my friends and the lives of my blood

This disease steals all of my light, as if it were an eclipse

I got some tools to stop, but my belt isn’t fully equip

Some people claim it’s not a disease, and ignorance is bliss

Will this be the death of us all, like there’s an apocalypse

Like a hurricane, addiction is cruel and a force

You have to let each relapse just run it’s course

As we let a natural disaster run the course that they do

Cuz if intervened you don’t know what might ensue

The overwhelming fear and remorse rumbling in my mind like thunder

Sometimes so unbearable I think I’d be better off six feet under

I wish they could just shock my head with a bolt of lightning

So I could have a normal brain instead of one that is frightening

I’m afraid of my own thoughts and my life starts to crumble, that’s erosion

It’s blowing up every bit of my persona, now that’s an explosion

Coating my character like rust on metal, now that’s some corrosion

Every single hope and dream I’ve had shattered, like an implosion

I’ve got to pump the breaks and start moving slower, not faster

Because I’ve got to stop living my life like an unnatural disaster

Author: Savanna Tufts My bottled up feelings boil

Author: Aimee Simmons

It’s happening. I’m losing me again. Quite honestly I don’t know if I was ever found. Found in a way that fills this hole, this pain.
You.
I’m waiting on you again.
It’s not your fault you have restrictions. I’m just having a hard time with the intermissions.
I’m anxious and tired; nauseated and can’t sleep.
What am I letting you do to me? Or more logically, what am I doing to myself?
I loved you.
I. Love. You.
And it’s killing me because you’re so close yet still so far.
We are both yet still so far.
Is this real? Or do I listen to my gut? Will I ever really be enough? Are these my insecurities or the ability to see your soul? Are you really narcissistic and manipulative? Is it time I let go?
I’m scared. The pain and anxiety I felt for so long; wondering, worrying, praying for you. No matter what you did to me, I forgave you. I did wrong too.
You get sober and you ask for me. Why?
I’m right back to feeling like I’m not pretty enough for you or good enough for you. The past haunts me. Is it true?
I’m right back to being scared this is all a game. I don’t wanna play.
I don’t know what’s real.
I can’t talk to you and I need you.
I’m so conflicted. I love you so much it’s like a sickness.
Please tell me what’s real.
I need to heal.
I love you.

Author: Aimee Simmons It’s happening. I’m losing me

Old Me

Author: April Cornwell

Crystal rocks & different kinds of baggies
money stacked 5’s, 10’s, 20’s, & 50’s
phone goes off another person at my door
plenty of money doesnt matter I want more
police are running up surprise its a raid
I was careful but is always ends the same
county here I come and I don’t even care
hell I knew the risks & still bravely dared
opening my eyes realizing it was just a dream
no shaking or cold sweats for I’m still clean
I refused to live that life any longer
that’s the old me now I’m stronger.

Old Me Author: April Cornwell Crystal rocks & different

Lifestyle

Author: April Cornwell

Sometimes I still feel the pull
the want to be back in that lifestyle,
I have to fight it every single day
to give up will be a life in exile,
now i awake always wondering
just who in the hell was I?
exchanging rocks for dollar bills
knowing at any second I could die,
that door to destruction has closed
I’ve opened another even better door,
now I’m sober life is way different
i refuse to live that way anymore,
I know I can be a better person
that lifestyle isn’t worth a damn,
even though at times it was fun
I know now this is who I am.

Lifestyle Author: April Cornwell Sometimes I still feel the

And So They Let Her…

Author: Beth Poulin

She was made by great people, She came from great stock,

At the very beginning, darkness ticked not the clock.

 

She was born into privilege, She was born into light,
She was rambunctious in daytime, She was restful by night.

 

She was graced with some talent, She was blessed with some brain,
That precision, that pedestal, was hers to craft and to gain.

 

She smiled in the spotlight, She put trophies on the shelf,
She developed the image, but She had no sense of self.

 

She kept checking the boxes, kept seizing the day,
But the darkness was growing, She was not close to ok.

 

She took Their support, She fed off Their praise,
She made it look normal, and it seemed like a phase.

 

She had talent with lying, She could put on the show,
They had NO way to see it, They had NO way to know…

 

…And So They Let Her Rise

 

Her life become hollow, perfection too much,
The demons, the devils, the defects and such.

 

She preferred to be wrecked, to be broken, enslaved,

She had no interest in help, no desire to be saved.

 

She lied and She cheated and injured and stole,

Cared not for Her pieces, Her whole or Her soul.

 

She burned all her bridges and wore out Her welcome,

She drank and She starved with no care for the outcome.

 

They paid and They prayed, and They pleaded and cried,

But in heart and in mind They knew lightness had died.

 

They used all Their resource, They TRIED and They TRIED,

But They lost Her each minute She deceived and denied.

 

She spit in Their faces, explained away all Their fears,

She rubbished Their love and She laughed at Their tears…

 

…And So They Let Her Fall

 

She dipped toes in the water, to meetings She went,

She admitted She needed the messages GOD sent.

 

She listened to friends and saw fellows succeed,

She writhed and She thrashed to make peace with the need.

 

She tried to be ready, She opened one ear,

She stumbled, She mumbled, still best friends with fear.

 

She felt the disorder and dissected the pains,
She wanted back on the tracks, not to chase the wrong trains.

 

She tried one near-death shot, but that shot didn’t take,

She then knew to rebuild Oh Sweet God She must break.

 

The bottom She found and the bottom She sought,

Found that peace couldn’t be drank, or be purged or be bought.

 

She finally said quietly, could barely hold up Her head,

“I think I need HELP”, from Her hospital bed….

 

…And So They Let Her Grow

­­­

Doctors and Therapists and Counselors, Oh My,

She went and She vented with clear sparkle in eye.

 

She grew brave with the fight, the release of confession,

Knew corrected living was now her divined new profession.

She paid up and hushed up and stood up and found,
She would find Her full aura if She stood Her full ground.

 

She processed, accepted and wounds She did sew,
Fell into the balance and learned how to say no.

 

She re-entered the real word, pledged service and shared,

Showed family and friends and HERSELF that She cared.

 

She captured and raptured the saving power of love,

When it comes from within and around and ABOVE.

 

She kicked and She treaded, head stayed high above water,

Through the sunlight of the spirit, They again saw Their Daughter…

 

…And So They Let Her Go

 

And So They Let Her… Author: Beth Poulin She

Author: Logan

they teach you that drugs are bad

but they don’t teach you how to deal with the pain when you’re sad

nobody warned me it could get this bad

i swear i continue to lose everything i’ve ever had

but what do you do when you don’t give a fuuck

when your minds in a rut

always blame things on bad luck

and how the fuck is my mind so sick

life threw me lessons but it never would click

I thought I figured it out, finally found my cure

but all these pills do is put my mind in a blur

the devil asked me to dance so I said sure

it’s gotta be better than the feelings I endure

i swear it was working I couldn’t feel a thing

didn’t realize all the destruction that it could bring

I hurt people around me i hurt the ones that care

but then without them life became a fucking nightmare

I had had enough so I did something that was rare

I said i’m done doing drugs i swear

this pain is nothing i can bare

then the truth was revealed

everything became crystal clear

the pain will follow no matter what it’s always near

do i give up or persevere?

nothing really mattered the drugs were never enough

and everyone swears that i am so tough

little do they know i’ve been drowning cause life is rough

nothing seemed to stop me even being in handcuffs

i gave up everything, every dream

i was living on the streets without a fucking thing

as long as i had these substances to get me through the night

i swear my eyes used to shine so fucking bright

but now i struggle everyday to even find a light

tryna find something inside me to that I can ignite

but all i seemed to find was an evil gunfight

i’ve been at war with myself for as long as I know

no wonder why it feels impossible to ever let go

I been hurting bad and my eyes always show

eventually I realized the drugs had complete control

kinda like the government and the secrets that they hold

I started to think would i ever feel whole

and can I even reach a goal

if only I knew how it would unfold

i found a girl and I swear I had found gold

her personality shined so bright she was beautifully bold

so tell me how someone can turn so goddamn cold

I loved her so hard I never thought I could let go

my heart was broken but it fell apart a long time ago

I wish she knew my feelings but I always struggled to show

maybe if I tried harder she would still be by my side

but deep down i know she’ll forever be my ride or die

she really is the only one that can make me cry

but I still never want to fucking say goodbye

I’d give up anything even getting high

I mean that with all I have I can’t even lie

I don’t need anything else she does more than satisfy

when i’m with her I feel like I could fly

you really only meet someone like this once in a lifetime

I fell in love right away she needed to be mine

everydays a good day even if we out committing crimes

damn you should see this girl she’s a fucking dime

with her there’s not a mountain i couldn’t clime

when i’m with her i’m always in my prime

the day she left me destroyed me inside

I couldn’t get her off my mind as long as i tried

I needed something strong to make me numb

I would’ve pulled the trigger if I had a gun

what’s a life without my love I swore she was the one

when she was mine I swear I had won, like I hit a home run, if anyone were to hurt her i’d pull up w a shotgun

It hurt so bad I needed something strong

I was so down couldn’t even hit the bong

cause when I did she stayed on my mind for so goddamn long

then one day someone offered me a remedy

they said I promise you I found the perfect recipe

it’ll heal you mentally

way faster than therapy

so do you want the key?

please yes give me anything

I don’t care what it may bring

help me breathe

then they handed me something that would never leave

growing up we learned to stay away from any hard drug

but they must not know the feeling when it goes straight to your blood

that type of rush can’t be beat by any fucking hug

the needle is evil in the sweetest kind of way

the deeply rooted pain quickly began to slip away

this feeling of bliss i need it to stay

yes i had finally found the strongest getaway

even though i kept dying every other day

you’d think that would be enough for me to make a change

but nah I gave the dope man my life in exchange

I turned into a zombie from this game

I would find anything to blame

I didn’t even recognize the person I became

I knew it was lame and I was living in shame

and all the fiends seemed to feel the same

I could tell we were all tryna escape the fucking pain

the amount of lives i’ve had to save is truly goddamn sad

nobody does heroin unless things are really fucking bad

you know your head ain’t right

when you can’t sleep at night

never have an appetite

life doesn’t matter n i’m losing the fight

i don’t give a fuck if I make it through the night

life turns darker and I struggle to ignite

really losing all the light

everybody now notices my eyes don’t shine so bright

if your dancing with the devil just know he will bite

living this lifestyle your guaranteed to lose the fight

addiction is a battle nothing happens overnight

but if you put the work in you can take back your life

cause if you keep it up you’ll soon see the afterlife

don’t you want to feel alive? right now your just living to fucking survive

I promise you can make it through and you’re gonna thrive

don’t let your friends and family have to say goodbye

the pain you put them through is never worth the high

addicts know addicts n we always justify

but take my advice all of your problems will just multiply

and soon enough nothing will satisfy

i’ve lived my whole life using drugs to get by

you’ll have dual personalities like a gemini

now i want you to look me in the eye

i know your not happy and you can’t deny

listen to my words cause i only speak the truth

I wish I could turn the time back to my youth

I promise you there are better ways to soothe

because right now you don’t even know you

still feel so blue from what you’ve been through

stop destroying yourself if only you could see my point of view

just make sure your chillin with the right crew

you’ve been through hell there’s nothing you can’t do

n the real ones will always help you through

forgive yourself you’re only human too

pain is inevitable there’s nothing you can do

but you can grow from it or it’ll control you

you don’t need to fight this battle alone

i know you always try to do it all on your own

I promise it’s easier here try some methadone

don’t live up to expectations, set up your own milestones

  i know it’s hard but it’s okay to ask for help

stop the torture nobody can do it themselves

let people make it easier for you

love and support always helps you make it through

there’s no timeline recovery’s not a straight line

and relapses happen don’t let it be a reason to decline

you still have people rooting for you on the sideline

recovery is a process it’s hard and it hurts

but i know it’s fucking worth it if it gets you out the dirt

no matter where you go your addiction will always lurk

you’ll always be an addict and it’s constant fucking work

but don’t let it define you cause you have so much worth

I hope you fall in love with being alive

you’ve struggled a lot it’s been a long drive

you deserve happiness and some peace of mind

so give yourself a chance and leave that shit behind

Author: Logan they teach you that drugs are

By: Richard “Shane” Johnson

Nowhere to be, free as I want.
It’s either a dream, a realm,
Or could even be my hell!

Just taking up space, in this
“so called” Land of the free.
It Almost seems, I’m swaggering thee.

Yet, not so glamorous, but
Oh so “DARK”. Light sneaks in,
as to Post its mark.

Sun goes down, even the
sound. Night stalks in,
To free its sin.

It’s a weary feeling, since
Of confusion. As Angels rest,
Demons are flurrying.

They pull the strings, like
They are the masters. Puppeteering
people, to their disaster.

Controlling their minds, and driving
Their hearts. Into thinking,
“It’s better, to live in the DARK!”

By: Richard "Shane" Johnson Nowhere to be, free

By Tiffany Lace

Hello i am addiction,

I am also your all time low,

Im to blame for loved ones to leave you.

But by choosing me you must have want them to go.

Ive caused you so much trouble I’ve damn near destroyed your life.

Im more than whats behind the meaning of living and dying by the knife.

You see now you have no value nor the strength to make a drink im the reason your self worths demolished because of me you cannot think…

Makes me wonder why you haven’t left me yet like i made my all your loved ones leave you, or if your contemplating suicide the devils wins the battle for you..

Some people pay to go to rehab other people go to jail …

But even there you will crave me while all alone living in your little cell..

Your family they need you no holiday with out you is the same they never see you smile and my name is addiction so pick me to place them.

By Tiffany Lace Hello i am addiction, I am