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Wraiths

We are the wraiths floating above Embracing the ghosts of our chemical love

We are ones, you’re not sure you see Hiding in shadows that you can’t perceive

We search out the alleys, the cut- throughs, the lanes

Industrial bridges who call out our names

Waiting for runners: “When did he leave?”

Bring us the air that only we breathe Broken glass vials and sharp metal pins Empty and deadly but smiling within Our obvious secrets betrayed in our

eyes Our scars and our tracks the meaning-

ful lies

So we’ll stand in your judgment be- cause we are the grey In your black and white world and the brightness of day

And these wraiths are my friends now I choose not to leave and walk on down dark tracks

Refusing to grieve

What are you burning

I think it’s your soul

You’re breathing in smoke

That won’t fill the hole

And when you breathe out

Your chemical pain

Your heart is still bleeding

Just numb from the pain

Emptiness comes

You know it so well

The hour of nothingness

Then breaking the spell

Dead ends and grey roads

You’ve been here before

Run whil you still can

Then run on some more

Escape this distraction

It doesn’t exist

You’ll get back the love

The love that you missed

And one day you’ll look back

Look back and see

You rose up from nothing

And you will be free.

Wraiths We are the wraiths floating above Embracing

A drink can only fool you
A pill will only lie,
To say “Here is happiness for a while
But in return your heart will die”,
One sip and you’ll be fooled
dancing into night
but once the morning light is blazing
even sunshine will seem like a bitter dogs bite,
A hit may leave you smiling
but once it starts to fade
darkness may seem safer
so what’s the point in escaping
the life we are supposed to make?
A sip will mask you in confidence
a pill will make you fake
pretending you are cool now
but leave your hands with tremors & shakes,
For a few hours you’ll seem perfect
like all sorrow is a lie
but once the feeling disappears
tomorrow will simply cry.
why not live with all the empty
and fill your heart with words
for to escape the pain entirely
is to become, in exchange, your hurt.

A drink can only fool you A pill

Author: Andrew N.

Tears reunite with my cheeks once again
Just as the dark clouds above start to rain
It Felt as if God was their crying with me
I felt he was close yet my eyes couldn’t see

A man wearing red who looked my age but no older
Comes over to me and puts his arm round my shoulder
Before he could speak I just broke down and cried
As if I had found out that morning a loved one just died

He spoke not a word and just lent a kind ear
Making me feel that thy father was near
I suddenly realised, I was grieving you see
The person who died was none other than me

I was mourning the loss of a man in good health
and took shelter in seeking a life of false wealth
as gold turned to copper and patience to fear
the mountain to climb for forgiveness was sheer

ive never said sorry for letting you down
for not sending a lifeboat when you started to drown
I let your broad shoulders carry more than its fair load
Stopped your lips from saying you’re about to explode

Your children were left with a shell of a man
A dad that just didn’t do all that he can
I buried Your hurt and kept it deep down inside
And I picked the wrong people for you to confide

Why did I let weakness walk in through the door
And then let you think you could deal with some more
You broke so many walls down which I quickly rebuilt
But each one I made higher adding anger and guilt

Whilst death in mortality can’t be erased and undone
I know you’ll come back once more from that place past the sun
When we’re united there is no turning back
I promise I’ll always help you loosen the slack

Ill save you from drowning and be your strength when you’re weak
I will unlock your lips forever letting you speak
I’ll give your energy back and desires to care
You’ll gain the trust of your kids to know you’ll always be there

When self doubt comes knocking I’ll never open the door
Ill shut all the windows and the curtains will draw
I’ll show you the lessons you’ve learned through the pain
And each time you fall I’ll pick u up again

Author: Andrew N. Tears reunite with my cheeks

By Uri Hotchberg

Where Am I
Is this rock bottom
What did I do to deserve this
Why is this happening
Just kill me

There is so much pain
Anger, shame, and guilt
Resentment, fear, and hopelessness
Darkness it’s so dark
Its to dark
There is no light at the end
I’d rather be dead

Isolation is my comfort zone
Love there is none
Not for myself
Not for anyone else
Care- it left my existence
Soul- I have none
Emptiness- I am so empty

Hope- there is none
Dreams- it leads to pain
Decisions- all bad
Emotions- I don’t want to feel
Happy- I am consumed with sadness

So many scars
Hurt many people
Really hurt my family
To many sins
And terrible things
What’s wrong with me
I hate myself

Is it a disease
Was I born with it
Did someone create it
Did I create it
Is there a cure
Is there medicine
How do I get rid of it

Repress it
Bury it
Deep deep
Make it go away
I don’t want to feel it anymore
Self-medicate

Alcohol, drugs that should work
It works till it doesn’t work
Its my way of life
The only way to manage life
Cant get out
Don’t want to get out
Need more more more
It has to work

Its not working
There has to be another way
But I’m not worth it
I don’t deserve it
I shouldn’t be forgiven
I’m not a good person
I have nothing to offer

Choice- decision
Live or die
Happy or sad
Joy or anger
Hope or hopelessness
Forgive myself or live in shame
Dream or fear
Love or hate

I am strong
I can choose
If I love
I can be loved
I can accept what I cant change
I can change what I can
Myself

Take a risk
Let someone in
Give from my heart
Help and to be helped
My love can help you
Your love can help me
My love can help me
I am worth it

By Uri Hotchberg Where Am I Is this rock

Author: Samuel W. Asselstine

I wait for her as the sun rises high,

She is not here,

I see her from afar,

She is gone as before,

Little notice and without a thought,

She takes her Love,

And shares herself with so many, yet

I miss her so dearly.

I wait for her as people eat breakfast,

She dines but no longer with me,

I see her in a car,

I see her in a store, and with

Little notice and without a thought,

She has left me for so many, yet still

I miss her so dearly.

She makes me Lie,

And she makes me steal,

She makes me beg,

She makes me kneel,

She makes me hurt,

She makes me cry, and with

Little notice and without a thought

She leaves me for so many,

Why would I miss her so dearly?

I think of her at night,

She doesn’t sleep,

She wakes me up, to check and see,

If she can have just one more spin with me,

There is no such thing as never,

Just not right now please,

I can find her when i want, and she’ll take me,

And everyone else in the way,

She’ll make me happy but not even for a day,

So, I decide when she’s with me,

Not the other way.

Author: Samuel W. Asselstine I wait for her

Author: Logan

they teach you that drugs are bad

but they don’t teach you how to deal with the pain when you’re sad

nobody warned me it could get this bad

i swear i continue to lose everything i’ve ever had

but what do you do when you don’t give a fuuck

when your minds in a rut

always blame things on bad luck

and how the fuck is my mind so sick

life threw me lessons but it never would click

I thought I figured it out, finally found my cure

but all these pills do is put my mind in a blur

the devil asked me to dance so I said sure

it’s gotta be better than the feelings I endure

i swear it was working I couldn’t feel a thing

didn’t realize all the destruction that it could bring

I hurt people around me i hurt the ones that care

but then without them life became a fucking nightmare

I had had enough so I did something that was rare

I said i’m done doing drugs i swear

this pain is nothing i can bare

then the truth was revealed

everything became crystal clear

the pain will follow no matter what it’s always near

do i give up or persevere?

nothing really mattered the drugs were never enough

and everyone swears that i am so tough

little do they know i’ve been drowning cause life is rough

nothing seemed to stop me even being in handcuffs

i gave up everything, every dream

i was living on the streets without a fucking thing

as long as i had these substances to get me through the night

i swear my eyes used to shine so fucking bright

but now i struggle everyday to even find a light

tryna find something inside me to that I can ignite

but all i seemed to find was an evil gunfight

i’ve been at war with myself for as long as I know

no wonder why it feels impossible to ever let go

I been hurting bad and my eyes always show

eventually I realized the drugs had complete control

kinda like the government and the secrets that they hold

I started to think would i ever feel whole

and can I even reach a goal

if only I knew how it would unfold

i found a girl and I swear I had found gold

her personality shined so bright she was beautifully bold

so tell me how someone can turn so goddamn cold

I loved her so hard I never thought I could let go

my heart was broken but it fell apart a long time ago

I wish she knew my feelings but I always struggled to show

maybe if I tried harder she would still be by my side

but deep down i know she’ll forever be my ride or die

she really is the only one that can make me cry

but I still never want to fucking say goodbye

I’d give up anything even getting high

I mean that with all I have I can’t even lie

I don’t need anything else she does more than satisfy

when i’m with her I feel like I could fly

you really only meet someone like this once in a lifetime

I fell in love right away she needed to be mine

everydays a good day even if we out committing crimes

damn you should see this girl she’s a fucking dime

with her there’s not a mountain i couldn’t clime

when i’m with her i’m always in my prime

the day she left me destroyed me inside

I couldn’t get her off my mind as long as i tried

I needed something strong to make me numb

I would’ve pulled the trigger if I had a gun

what’s a life without my love I swore she was the one

when she was mine I swear I had won, like I hit a home run, if anyone were to hurt her i’d pull up w a shotgun

It hurt so bad I needed something strong

I was so down couldn’t even hit the bong

cause when I did she stayed on my mind for so goddamn long

then one day someone offered me a remedy

they said I promise you I found the perfect recipe

it’ll heal you mentally

way faster than therapy

so do you want the key?

please yes give me anything

I don’t care what it may bring

help me breathe

then they handed me something that would never leave

growing up we learned to stay away from any hard drug

but they must not know the feeling when it goes straight to your blood

that type of rush can’t be beat by any fucking hug

the needle is evil in the sweetest kind of way

the deeply rooted pain quickly began to slip away

this feeling of bliss i need it to stay

yes i had finally found the strongest getaway

even though i kept dying every other day

you’d think that would be enough for me to make a change

but nah I gave the dope man my life in exchange

I turned into a zombie from this game

I would find anything to blame

I didn’t even recognize the person I became

I knew it was lame and I was living in shame

and all the fiends seemed to feel the same

I could tell we were all tryna escape the fucking pain

the amount of lives i’ve had to save is truly goddamn sad

nobody does heroin unless things are really fucking bad

you know your head ain’t right

when you can’t sleep at night

never have an appetite

life doesn’t matter n i’m losing the fight

i don’t give a fuck if I make it through the night

life turns darker and I struggle to ignite

really losing all the light

everybody now notices my eyes don’t shine so bright

if your dancing with the devil just know he will bite

living this lifestyle your guaranteed to lose the fight

addiction is a battle nothing happens overnight

but if you put the work in you can take back your life

cause if you keep it up you’ll soon see the afterlife

don’t you want to feel alive? right now your just living to fucking survive

I promise you can make it through and you’re gonna thrive

don’t let your friends and family have to say goodbye

the pain you put them through is never worth the high

addicts know addicts n we always justify

but take my advice all of your problems will just multiply

and soon enough nothing will satisfy

i’ve lived my whole life using drugs to get by

you’ll have dual personalities like a gemini

now i want you to look me in the eye

i know your not happy and you can’t deny

listen to my words cause i only speak the truth

I wish I could turn the time back to my youth

I promise you there are better ways to soothe

because right now you don’t even know you

still feel so blue from what you’ve been through

stop destroying yourself if only you could see my point of view

just make sure your chillin with the right crew

you’ve been through hell there’s nothing you can’t do

n the real ones will always help you through

forgive yourself you’re only human too

pain is inevitable there’s nothing you can do

but you can grow from it or it’ll control you

you don’t need to fight this battle alone

i know you always try to do it all on your own

I promise it’s easier here try some methadone

don’t live up to expectations, set up your own milestones

  i know it’s hard but it’s okay to ask for help

stop the torture nobody can do it themselves

let people make it easier for you

love and support always helps you make it through

there’s no timeline recovery’s not a straight line

and relapses happen don’t let it be a reason to decline

you still have people rooting for you on the sideline

recovery is a process it’s hard and it hurts

but i know it’s fucking worth it if it gets you out the dirt

no matter where you go your addiction will always lurk

you’ll always be an addict and it’s constant fucking work

but don’t let it define you cause you have so much worth

I hope you fall in love with being alive

you’ve struggled a lot it’s been a long drive

you deserve happiness and some peace of mind

so give yourself a chance and leave that shit behind

Author: Logan they teach you that drugs are

Dark Hope

a poem by davy m

I scream, but no one hears

I cry, but not with tears

The dark it has become my friend

And so to this I search an end

Around me yes there is much

But it seems just beyond my touch

Is it the ordinary things I crave?

Will I find them before my grave?

Happiness, contentment, a peace within

But life’s wedge to me always seems thin

The secret is to make your own:

So to this old dog I throw a bone

Grasp it, hold it, oh so tight

Oh Mother Nature give me sight

I want to feel, I want to see

I want my mind to be set free

Many things I can blame

Unfair rules in an unfair game

But in the end it’s up to me

To fix the problems that I see

So there it is – 

Take control

‘cos only you

Can save your soul

Dark Hope a poem by davy m I scream,

Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this piece.

So, I woke up today (my usual cheerful self in the mornings🥴), letting a snarled “good morning” out from under my breath.

Went about my morning, had some prayer and meditation, played with my puppy, and tried wiping the sleep from my eyes.

Here’s what I know about today. Today is all I have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.

So for today, I know this: Today I walk a free woman. Not in the sense many of you may think, but in the spiritual sense.

For years I lived in a dark place, suffocating inside my own skin, silently dying inside.

What I felt: Lost. Hopeless. Angry. Resentful. Hurt. Shame. Guilt. Defensive. Misery.

What I tried to portray: Happy. Confident. Successful.

The lie lasted for far too long, until my insides spilled out onto the outside.

It was then, when I felt broken beyond repair that a HAND reached out. What I had left to bring was a smidge of willingness. The doors were wide open.

I slithered (if you will) through the doors. It has taken time for all the shattered pieces to be picked up and repaired, but inside the workshop the miracle transpired. Inside the workshop, this broken woman was lovingly repaired.

I have true friends today, and even more surprising, I can be that true friend to someone else.

I can look people in their eyes. I can admit my wrongs.

I can know that my God is there and will lovingly guide me through this life.

I can genuinely smile today.

I can laugh, and more importantly, I can cry and not feel shame for doing so.

I can FEEL. I can feel happiness, sadness, pain, frustration, anger, and so much more. I no longer need to stuff the feelings I ran from for so long.

I can accept that I am human, and in being so, I am NOT nor will I ever be perfect.

I can accept my flaws and in doing so, I can be aware of them and can ask for help with overcoming them ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I can journey through this walk called life and know that I AM NOT ALONE.

These are the miracles that have happened to me.

I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

I have a relationship with God today that I didn’t think was possible for me. I

f you or anyone you know is struggling with something, just know you are not beyond help.

You are loved. You are worthy of grace. You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy. All you have to do is reach out and ask.

Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this