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HomeArticles Posted by Ghostwriter (Page 11)
Poetry, Recovery, Recovery, Uncategorized

Approaching 7 months of sobriety.

By the Grace of God.

This song makes me think of my addictions – and how they impacted my friends and family.

It’s entitled, “The Last Lost Continent” by La Dispute.

When I hear its lyrics, I think of my family members as they were trying to break me from the bonds of addiction.

Sometimes I think of myself as a sober person – looking to help my sponsees through the 12 steps.

At the end of the day though, God is in charge.

Only my Higher Power can save me and my sponsees.

I let Him fight my battles for me.

For He can destroy my demons as easily as the narrator in this song destroys his.

We are not the heroes in our recovery stories. Our Higher Power is.

We are the rescued. Saved from our addiction. Survivors of the same shipwreck.

Gaining power by the day.

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Approaching 7 months of sobriety. By the Grace

Poetry, Spiritual Recovery, Treatment Programs

You never would’ve believed it!
Just yesterday I was getting high.
Now I’m in this church dressed in white.
Flowers everywhere…it’s blowing my mind.
Funny how things can change in one night.
I used to be the Fentanyl Queen,
the pill chaser….a heroin fiend.
I admit my addiction had me down.
But I knew eventually , I’d come around.
Who would’ve believed it?
Looks like I’m about to tie the knot.
I swear last night was my last damn shot.
I mean it this time. I’m staying clean.
Just goes to show…never lose your dreams.
Me and my man are finally saying “I do.”
After marriage who knows? I may go back to school.
My family and friends came just to see me.
It’s all so surreal.  There isn’t one empty seat!
Nobody would believe it!
I’m out of pills and I don’t care.
I feel a change…like I’m walking on air.
My dad is crying.  I guess he’s afraid.
He doesn’t want to give his little girl away.
I have to go see him.  Why does he keep looking down?
I hope my man doesn’t see my wedding gown.
But halfway there my body goes numb.
I’m struck with guilt.  What have I done?
As I get closer I’m pained at the sight,
of my dad devastated, as he tells me goodbye.
Can you believe this?
My Cold feet and heart freeze my path.
I look down and see what he was looking at.
Then I realize it’s not my wedding day.
My family and friends aren’t here to celebrate.
It seems I’m here as my own guest,
to watch them lay me down to rest.
Just yesterday I was getting high.
Now I’m in this church dressed in white….
I never would’ve believed it.

 

Author: Tamara

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You never would’ve believed it! Just yesterday I

Poetry

I tell you what is  easiest when deep down it’s really not.

I find it much easier to say that they don’t have a cure for what I got.

I tell you what is easy for me that it’s all just a bad habit, that it is more difficult to explain it to those who don’t actually have it.

That my actions are no longer my own, living in the body of an addict. I’ve been lying to you all but I don’t know how when I’m quite literally bad at it.

But the lies that I tell they all come from the heart, I find the truth is more difficult to say even when it was this that is the hardest part.

If I were to tell the truth for once I wouldn’t even know where I should start.

I’m at a loss of words I can barely form my own thoughts, but in my silence I’m dying to tell someone how I have been feeling completely lost.

I have no idea where to even begin, how could I muster the courage to where I just talk, you just shut up and listen.

I want to be the one that tells you, I need you to hear it from myself, not hear it from the whispers of my enemies.

This is the only way I could ask for help and expose all my negative energies.

Who is this person I wake up as every morning and shed tears for when I fall asleep?

How does she know all the right things to say and yet somehow all the wrong secrets to keep?

This isn’t fun anymore, but it’s a ride I cannot seem to get off. I’m neither here nor there and I can’t remember exactly when I fell off.

But I’m trying … please believe me when I say, that I will find my way back to being normal even though I’m normally not okay.

I just want someone to love me, know me enough to know when I lie. I think what I really want is for someone to really miss me when I die…..

Author: Sarah

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I tell you what is  easiest when

Poetry

Dark Hope

a poem by davy m

I scream, but no one hears

I cry, but not with tears

The dark it has become my friend

And so to this I search an end

Around me yes there is much

But it seems just beyond my touch

Is it the ordinary things I crave?

Will I find them before my grave?

Happiness, contentment, a peace within

But life’s wedge to me always seems thin

The secret is to make your own:

So to this old dog I throw a bone

Grasp it, hold it, oh so tight

Oh Mother Nature give me sight

I want to feel, I want to see

I want my mind to be set free

Many things I can blame

Unfair rules in an unfair game

But in the end it’s up to me

To fix the problems that I see

So there it is – 

Take control

‘cos only you

Can save your soul

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Dark Hope a poem by davy m I scream,

Featured, Personal Journeys

I was thinking about Nathan when it happened.

It was January 2018. I sat in a small room in my company’s office, in utter despair.

The reasons were numerous – my inability to help Nathan, a close friend who was dying of brain cancer. My growing six-figure student loan debt, my drug addiction, my four years of hard work with little to show for it financially, immense pressure from my company and live-in girlfriend. Everything.

I felt myself breaking. So I did something I had never attempted before.

I called out to God. Audibly.

“God, what can I do in 2018 to make this year better? To change my life?” I asked, with tears streaming down my face.

I heard the words.

“Laugh more. Love yourself.”

Heard them.

“Laugh more. Love yourself.”

The voice was not a voice, in the human sense of the word.

It was like hearing a clap of thunder through a storm, as those words flashed through my brain.

That’s the best I can describe it.

Flash forward to January 2019. Everything had changed.

I was drug free. Healthier and fitter. Living in a new city with a new job. My student loan debt was suddenly manageable. The pressures of work and my girlfriend were lifted.

I was starting to love myself.

Nathan passed away from Stage 4 Glioblastoma in January 2019.

The night of Nathan’s funeral, there was a massive reunion of old friends and coworkers. His passing doubled as an opportunity to reconnect with close friends I hadn’t seen in years.

Nathan’s wife took a a picture of me that night. I had no clue she took it until she posted it on Instagram a few days later.

It’s the first picture of me laughing in years.

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I was thinking about Nathan when it

Poetry

Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this beautiful poem.

Shame, guilt, remorse,

Could I possibly feel any worse?

Anger, resentment, pain,

Coursing through my veins.

 

Prisoner of disease,

Crawling on my knees.

Please help me, I mumble,

In the dark I do stumble.

 

Looking for the light,

So far out of sight.

Feeding my addiction at all cost,

All hope is lost.

 

Spiritually bankrupt,

Feeling completely stuck.

Unable to hide

Behind my mountain of false pride.

 

Pain is so great,

I begin to suffocate.

Fear mounting so high,

I think I might die.

 

Then a hand reaches out,

To me, one so full of doubt.

Saying “why don’t you try our way?”

Just for today.

 

Shaken, hopeless, and beaten,

I attended the meeting.

Inside I found warmth and laughter,

A sense of being together.

 

One day, one step at a time,

Out of the pit I began to climb.

Trembling along the way,

Hoping for a new day.

 

Then the miracle happened,

The chains were broken.

Freedom and happiness at last,

No longer prisoner of the past.

 

Spiritual connection made,

No reason to be afraid.

The amazing gift of sobriety,

So freely given to me.

 

For this I will forever be,

A grateful addict in recovery.

For all who still suffer,

Just know you can recover!

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Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this

Featured, Personal Journeys, Recovery

Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this piece.

So, I woke up today (my usual cheerful self in the mornings🥴), letting a snarled “good morning” out from under my breath.

Went about my morning, had some prayer and meditation, played with my puppy, and tried wiping the sleep from my eyes.

Here’s what I know about today. Today is all I have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.

So for today, I know this: Today I walk a free woman. Not in the sense many of you may think, but in the spiritual sense.

For years I lived in a dark place, suffocating inside my own skin, silently dying inside.

What I felt: Lost. Hopeless. Angry. Resentful. Hurt. Shame. Guilt. Defensive. Misery.

What I tried to portray: Happy. Confident. Successful.

The lie lasted for far too long, until my insides spilled out onto the outside.

It was then, when I felt broken beyond repair that a HAND reached out. What I had left to bring was a smidge of willingness. The doors were wide open.

I slithered (if you will) through the doors. It has taken time for all the shattered pieces to be picked up and repaired, but inside the workshop the miracle transpired. Inside the workshop, this broken woman was lovingly repaired.

I have true friends today, and even more surprising, I can be that true friend to someone else.

I can look people in their eyes. I can admit my wrongs.

I can know that my God is there and will lovingly guide me through this life.

I can genuinely smile today.

I can laugh, and more importantly, I can cry and not feel shame for doing so.

I can FEEL. I can feel happiness, sadness, pain, frustration, anger, and so much more. I no longer need to stuff the feelings I ran from for so long.

I can accept that I am human, and in being so, I am NOT nor will I ever be perfect.

I can accept my flaws and in doing so, I can be aware of them and can ask for help with overcoming them ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I can journey through this walk called life and know that I AM NOT ALONE.

These are the miracles that have happened to me.

I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

I have a relationship with God today that I didn’t think was possible for me. I

f you or anyone you know is struggling with something, just know you are not beyond help.

You are loved. You are worthy of grace. You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy. All you have to do is reach out and ask.

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Thanks to Jodie G. for submitting this

Poetry

by TomCat

Shadows drift around me slowly.

Covering my wounds and scars.

As days pass by, I grow lonely.

These shadows feel like prison bars.

I cast these shadows in the darkness, leaving them there eternally.

I know they won’t forget my scars.

Why must they haunt and scorn me?

They took everything I had.

I should have acted how they told me, but back then I merely laughed.

Ignorance had damn near filled me.

Loneliness was all I had.

Then at last I saw a shimmer, perhaps peace had yet arrived.

That light constantly flickered, until it burnt out and died.

Is this the way life’s meant to be?

Nothing left to see or do.

Time flies by so rapidly.

Is it too late or far too soon?

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by TomCat Shadows drift around me slowly. Covering my

Featured, Poetry, Recovery

Round 7:35pm Mountain Standard Time

I called an old friend.

One of my best friends from law school.

Ain’t spoken in 5-6 odd years.

We’d had a falling out.

He was on Xanax and alcohol.

When he tried to kiss my girlfriend

Right in front of me.

The next day, he refused to apologize.

We lost touch soon after.

Both of us had been law school black sheep.

The underachievers.

We had a kinship in that way.

He’d been a good friend for the most part.

And I felt compelled to reach out tonight.

So we spent 45 minutes on the phone

Catching up.

He’d just gotten back from an AA meeting

As it turned out.

And had purposefully cut off most of his old ties.

The recovering alcoholic that he was.

But today, it had just so happened

that I and another long lost friend,

who was also in AA

had reached out on the same day.

To check in and see how he was.

This is how I know.

That God exists.

He enters our thoughts.

Steers our actions.

Then steps back and says

“See?”

And I thank Him for old friends.

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Round 7:35pm Mountain Standard Time I called an

Addiction, Poetry

Your life is precious.

You are capable of anything.

You are stronger than you feel.

Your capacity to love is greater than you realize.

You were created with a specific purpose.

You have a powerful ally in the one true God.

He is on your side.

Admit your addiction.

Ask for help.

He will answer.

As he did for me.

And millions more.

Love yourself.

Love your life.

Those of us in recovery –

Are waiting for you.

To help you.

Love you.

Show you the life you deserve.

The one you have always wanted.

A life without addiction.

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Your life is precious. You are capable of